A rewrite of history

(Week 2 Reflection assignment via South Boston Yoga Center)

When I was 17, I was dating a guy who at the time was the ‘love’ of my life. When he broke up with me the beginning of my senior year. I went crying to my mom, immediately after it happened and she looked at me and said “what did you do?”

In the moment, I was so taken back. Offended, angry, devastated, and heartbroken. Did she not understand that all I had done was “love” him. And here, I had my own mother placing the blame on me for his failure to want to be with me forever.

To this day she still denies saying it. But it’s memory, that I used to go to back to over and over again with the question of “did I do something wrong,” or “what would make her think that about me?” “What innately was a part of her that she internalized and projected on me.”

So the rewrite of this event was that what my mother said had little to do with me or some misunderstood character flaw in either she or I. It is more a matter of how I viewed myself in that moment and within relationships of love in general -doubtingly commited without question or exploration of my whole self. Most importantly, his decision had nothing to do with me — who I was, what I had done or not done. His decision was just that, his decision that he made for his 18 year old self as he was in the journey of exploring what he wanted in his life.

The reframe is that everything; regardless, of my percieved ‘personal’ attachment — emotional and physical, to people and space, is not about or a reflection on me. It is rather seeing folks as individuals connected to their own thoughts, needs and actions as they plan and reflect on their own lives and go through their own journey.