Loving Myself for Once

Growing up, I was always a confident and independent little girl. All throughout elementary school I had no problem expressing who I was. I was a little bit girly and a little bit boyish. I loved to play in the mud, but I also loved to play dress up. I did not care about how I looked or whether people accepted me for who I was. I didn’t care about getting other people’s opinions or acceptance. Then I went into high school and I felt so insecure in my own skin. I felt like I needed to dress a certain way or to walk a certain way or to even talk a certain way. By the time I was a junior in high school, I had completely changed the way I looked. I transformed my wardrobe, my hair, and even the group of people I hung out with all because I felt like I needed to fit in. Then I graduated and went to college and I saw how people didn’t care about the way they looked. They would literally just go to class in their pajama’s. So, I began to let loose a little and let the old me come back into the sunlight. Then, I met this guy who I thought was the most amazing thing to ever happen to me. We did everything together and soon enough he became a part of me. He had become my identity and my entire world. After two years together, he left me out of the blue and you would have thought I lost a major body part, because to me that is exactly what happened. My identity was gone and I felt as though I would never find someone to love me like that again. I had spent all this time searching for acceptance. I always felt this need to change who I was and become something I wasn’t in order to get the acceptance and love that I thought I needed from others. I had lost my sense of adventure and my independence. I was so dependent on him that I had no idea how to be alone. I went through depression and it greatly impacted my life and the lives of people around me. It took me a long time to figure out that I don’t need the acceptance of others. Especially not a boy’s love or the acceptance of people from my past. The only person that I need to accept me, is myself. I have learned to love the body I am in, which I haven’t loved in a very long time. I have learned to smile again and laugh and reconnect with friends. I have regained my self-confidence. I am learning to love life by myself without another person attached to my hip. This has all helped me to become who I am and to accept myself. Getting my heartbroken has been the biggest blessing in disguise even if it has been the most painful at the same time. It has helped me to gain a piece of my inner child back. That innocent soul without a care in the world. Loving myself is the best thing I have ever done and I will continue to love myself for the rest of my life.