Sitting Down Independently For Colchester

I thought it was time that I took stock of life since I decided not to stand for election for the role of councillor, Castle Ward, Colchester.

I have spent most of my time since making that decision at home, resting and/or sick, which has, as always, given me a lot of time to think.

Much of my time has been spent rather sad because of the decision that I had to make. But for the most part, my confidence that I did the right thing makes it bearable. It still feels a little like a lost dream, for the internal administrator within me.

Overall I am grateful that I no longer need to worry about raising the money, or fielding the paperwork and insults. But the rest of it I’ll miss and do my best to recreate in other ways – the community engagement that I love so much.

We’re close to wrapping up the main part of our book campaign for Perkin’s and I’m about to embark on a new project for DHMS magazine, so I have plenty of challenges still ahead. But I’m also trying to learn the value of pure rest, and not to be ashamed of having days where I feel like a pile of jelly. Frankly, it’s a miracle that I’m even alive, so I’ll have to grudgingly accept lethargic from time to time.

I’m still stubbornly glad that I tried, however briefly. My attempt brought many things to the surface, locally and personally. Some good points were made about how the people of Colchester feel about their local and national government. Several people showed their true colours, both for the good and bad. Several people supported me so beautifully, both in my decision to stand and my decision to quit, that I will forevermore know who are my true friends, and who I would prefer to shy away from. I’ve even made new friendships over the experience, which I value greatly. I wouldn’t change a thing – I wouldn’t change anything but my health, if I could. My own self remains the only monster I’ve met so far that’s strong enough to destroy me.

At any rate: I’m carrying on with my ongoing projects, and as for the rest – what more, if anything, I will do with my life, is still unknown, but being much meditated on in the long quiet hours of contemplation that comes hand in hand with my health condition.

Until later – and with best wishes to all –

Erin S.N.