Men Need Reassurance too
“Do you love me?” When you least expect it and when you’re mostly not prepared for the conversation that comes after that question, that’s when women ask that question. When you give the correct answer, which is YES, by the way, be prepared to provide a million reasons why. There is no escape from this question. No matter how long the relationship has lasted, no matter how many actions you’ve taken to express your love, these questions will always come up to affirm reassurance.
This usually makes the joke column in most male circles. The truth is that this question is needed sometimes, not for you, the man, but for her. What even makes it funnier is the fact that we would also want to be reassured too. We also desire those words, but we’ve shielded ourselves against the vulnerability that we sink into a universe of “Hard Guy”. In our school of thought, showing your emotions and being vulnerable is a weakness.
Recently, I have felt the need to be loved in a way that completely makes me feel safe. I have desired to hear random but sincere words of affirmation that are reassuring, but I have held back the need to ask for them because, in my fickle mind, I should have to deal with my emotions and have all the solutions to my problems.
I was listening to a podcast that talked about this, and I picked up one crucial point that I have known but never really talked about. Our father’s best parenting tool was the reassurance that everything would be okay, that they got us covered even when what confronts us all is their biggest fear.
As a result of holding up emotions, many men have developed toxic traits of low self-esteem, tying their self-worth towards material possessions and how much they physically appear to women and even their fellow men.
They’ve held back their desires to be shown that they matter and that their efforts count. This reassurance that we also desire is not just tied to our romantic relationships but even to our friends, so why can’t we express ourselves? Why do we conceal our need to be shown that we need love too? What is this emotional insecurity we have subjected ourselves to? The funny thing is we blame it on a lot of things, especially on women, but never on the fact that we don’t want to be made fun of.
It took me losing someone I care about for me to see that people listen to me and tell me how much they love me only if I share. The aftermath of my realization was excruciating.
So I’ll say this: if you ever need to be reassured about anything, ask for it if you feel the need to be vulnerable. Please do, and if you’re taken for granted, please leave that place, as it is not for you.
As a man too, if you feel your brother, father, friend, or colleague needs to be appreciated and feel safe, please do so. Let’s build more emotionally secure men.
Men need reassurance too. It might be challenging to say, but it feels good to know you’re special to someone.
