Youth Championship Confirms European Stereotypes
Whilst many people have lauded the increased participation and high level of play at the European Youth Go Championship which took place this year in Grenoble, France, one sole voice has resisted the flow of praise and roundly condemned the event for only serving to “reinforce national stereotypes”. According to Dr Nicholas Tamer, the EYGC has rolled back 50 years of European integration and condemned the Go playing youth to infantile and outdated modes of social interaction.
Dr Tamer explained the reasons for his grievances to us in a characteristically direct and forthright manner.
First of all the Germans all register exactly 1 week after the tournament opens, then show up in the tournament venue 1 hour before the first round with a printed copy of the rules in their hands and facial expressions which resembled a hippo who had just had all his happiness sucked out of their bottom through a straw that same morning.
Then the French organisers, they really knew how to set an example. They pick a glamorous city, a plush venue, beautiful art work, comfy furniture, high quality playing equipment. It was the epitome of french chic. It was just a shame they forgot to appoint anyone to run the draw and the first rounds all started 5 hours late as a result. I mean come on. They’re adults, they knew what they were doing. Don’t they know things like printers need paper before the results can be printed?
Then there was the British, who all turn up in smart matching uniforms, whilst the coach wandered around drinking tea.
The Romanians spend their lunch loudly lambasting the soups they are served for containing too little meat and bemoaning the size of the coffee and lemonades.
By round 2 the Russians lodged an official protest about the clock volume.
Then finally at the end of day 1 the Czech and Polish delegations spent 10 hours bickering endlessly and ferociously about the scientific correctness of the tiebreakers in use for the event, and had to be escorted out of the venue by the police.
Jesus, I don’t want to go on. It was just too much. What the hell is this? The 1950s?
No officials from the EGF or FFG were available for comment, but a source close to the EGF President (Smartin Smiassny) told us “Additional I’m very sure that also Go in France will gain some profit out of this new project sooner or later, maybe with an own “Bonus Point Tournament” in Grenoble”