Mixed Girl Magic đ«âYour Guide to Representation And Self Love
When youâre not black or white in a world that wants you to be one or the other
(Photo of Logan Browning who stars in Dear White People)
Throughout my life it has been a struggle to find people I felt represented me. Especially my wild, curly hair that I rarely saw on anyone else in âreal lifeâ let alone in TV, magazines or other media platforms. The first time I ever felt I was being represented was in the 2013 movie Belle; which detailed the life of Dido Belle, a biracial member of the British aristocracy. I remember how excited I was to be seeing a young mixed race girl on the big screen, as the protagonist. I related to her hair struggles, the love she had for her white relatives but the justice she wanted for the black people around her who acted as her servants.
The #BlackGirlMagic tag has really taken off recently and basically become a movement of itself. And Iâm happy about that because itâs definitely needed considering the way dark skinned women are treated in society and the fact colourism is still rife in black communities. However, I donât relate to it and I canât use it. Whenever I search Google for issues relating to mixed race girls I come up very short. As a teenager I used to follow two blogs- one called Black Girl Problems and another called White Girl Problems. I could relate to both, and there was no Mixed Girl Problems. I see lots of mixed/biracial people identifying as black- and thatâs fine for them but to me it just doesnât ring true. I remember volunteering for a charity that my (white, blonde)Nana was helping at. She was teaching English to refugees in Manchester. I came along to help out and get to know some of her students. I remember them asking her âWhat is she? We were confused about whether she was your granddaughter or notâ to which my Nana replied âOh yes! You mean because sheâs black?â. I said nothing but I never forgot that moment. To me, viewing biracial people as black harks back to the one drop rule; which states if you have even âone drop of black bloodâ then you are considered black. That rule was only created so that slave owners could increase their profits and not claim the children they had fathered with slaves they had raped. I find it funny that no one has ever referred to me as white, even though Iâm equal parts black and white. I would never call myself white or black because neither is true; Iâm a mix of both.
Growing up I had many experiences that only mixed race people have had. I was called a mutt by an old man on a bus, a mongrel by someone else and I was referred to as âhalf-casteâ or âhalf-breedâ many times. If I was viewed purely as black then these comments would make no sense, which is another reason I wonât identify as black. Society loves to put people into little boxes and it gets uncomfortable when you arenât one thing or another- but I refuse to change myself to make society comfortable. I believe the mixed race experience is something truly unique that deserves itâs own unique representation.
In my natural hair article I spoke about not having any real representation growing up. I used to watch shows like Thatâs So Raven and Kenan & Kel, even the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, but found no representation in any of the characters. It felt as though I was growing up in a world of black and white; and I simply didnât fit anywhere. Some biracial people speak about not feeling accepted by the white community or the black community; I canât say I felt I wanted to be accepted by either, I just knew there was no real place that I fit in. What I really wanted was to see someone who looked like me, had the same struggles as me. I wasnât necessarily interested in acceptance, I just wanted to know that someone out there was having the same experience I was. The problems a mixed race child will face growing up are complex and should be taken seriously. As a child I felt that white was the default human being, and black was the only acceptable âotherâ human being. (Even as a child I had internalised racism!) I felt like an alien; and the way people treated me didnât help. There were constant comments about my âhugeâ hair, how beautiful it was, how different. Mixed race hair is not âdifferentâ or unusual- that only reinforces how ânot normalâ we are.
Most mixed people will have light skin privilege which I think is important to address. Because of this privilege, a lot of white people have felt safe to casually express their racist views to me, as if I wouldnât mind. Like the time my ex friend told me a black boy wanted to ask her out, but that her mother had told her she âwonât be allowing her daughter to go out with a n****râ . She laughed while she said this; apparently expecting me to laugh along with her. Or the time my ex boyfriends mum told me she had an uncle with ânegro lipsâ. I canât help but feel these people wouldnât have felt comfortable saying these things around me if I was black and not mixed. With a lot of white people I get the feeling they are trying to âsee pastâ my black side. One of my ex boyfriends was a prime example of this, he would say things like âI would never date a black girlâ or âBlack people just smell differentâ. He even hated when I started embracing my natural hair because he thought straight hair made me look prettier. At the time I was painfully unaware of what racism really was. I thought you couldnât be a racist unless you were a neo nazi spouting racist abuse at people. Iâve come to discover racism is usually much more subtle than that.
Mixed children and adults can make people uncomfortable because of what we symbolise. I remember watching a documentary about the KKK when I was younger. The film maker asked one of the klansmen what he thought about mixed race people, to which he replied he didnât know. He said he didnât know what to think because they âwerenât really us and werenât really themâ.
Some people are still in disagreement with interracial relationships. And to some extent I get it. Itâs strange to think that some of my ancestors were slaves, and some were slave owners; but I like to think that my existence is proof that in reality race is a social construct that was created to divide us and in the end love will overcome hate.
I hate writing about problems so letâs get on to solutions. How can we create our own #MixedGirlMagic and heal from the lack of representation we had growing up, and even now?
1. Embrace all of your cultures â
Why confine yourself to just one thing when you are so much more? As well as African American and British I am also Spanish and Native American. I embrace all these cultures and enjoy learning about them. Look up recipes, fashion, movies, spiritual practices from all your different heritageâs and learn about them. Itâs empowering to know about all the different places you come from, plus itâs your right to know. Donât let the world put you in one box when thatâs not what you truly are. You can love your white side of the family and your white friends but still need to take a break from them and be in a space just for people of colour, you are allowed. And donât feel obligated to put up with racism from white family members either (it happens), call them out on it or simply stop associating with them if they arenât willing to do the work.
2. Find new idols â
Or at least beauty idols. Sometimes if Iâm stuck for hair or fashion ideas I look up people I admire to seek inspiration, but for most of my life these people have been white and I would feel deeply upset when I couldnât achieve the hairstyle or makeup look I was after. I rarely do this anymore because I like to create my own looks but if you are ever super stuck then create a list of people who look like you and have a similar hair type so you can realistically achieve what you want. I had to re-wire my brain to see my natural hair as beautiful. Find girls who look like you and make collages and mood boards. Donât expose yourself to eurocentric beauty standards- that is a true act of self care!
3. Seek out representation â
Admittedly this is hard because there just isnât that much. You can start with the Netflix series Dear White People which features a bircaial main character. Check out the 2013 movie Belle as well. Research mixed race historical figures- representation in real life is just as important as representation in the media. Look up blogs run by mixed girls, find books with mixed race protagonists.
4. Be the representation we need! â
My motto is create donât consume, and if you can write your own blog or make your own short films then do it. Maybe you could create art featuring mixed people. Whatever your talent is you can use it to be positive representation for future generations of mixed race girls!
5. Embrace your natural hair â
Yep, stop assimilating. Embrace your true self and show all the little mixed race girls who hate their hair that there is nothing to be ashamed of. I know my attitude towards my hair wouldâve been completely different if I had seen women around me embracing their own. Read my article on the natural hair movement to really understand how important this is.
And finallyâŠ.
Remember you are more than your race or your appearance..
People love to judge others and make ridiculous assumptions, let them. I believe in being proud of your background and fighting racism and injustice but there is more to you than just that. Donât let your racial identity consume all that you are- thatâs what society wants. Instead, transcend that and unapologetically be so much more than that. I am a musician, poet, writer and many other things. I just happen to be mixed race.
And alsoâŠ
In terms of self love and self care, a good bubble bath with some dark chocolate and herbal tea never hurt anyone.
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