Why You Should Stop Being a People Pleaser
Are you a people pleaser?
It feels like a lifetime ago, but there was a season of my life when I would sit with a bowl of ice cream and watch television.
During that season, several reality shows became popular.
They allowed ordinary people to perform and possibly get a contract, a job, or whatever.
What these shows taught me about people pleasing
What I remember most are the outtakes from people who really had no talent and should not have been there in the first place.
Unfortunately, they had lived a life where no one had told them they might not be cut out for a life in whatever industry they were dreaming of.
Confession time!
I would laugh hysterically at some of these.
At least until the day I woke up and realized how blessed I was to be surrounded by truth-tellers and not people-pleasers.
These men and women throughout my life let me know where I was strong and where I was weak.
Now they did this gently and encouraged me to get training if my weaknesses were critical for me to overcome.
But their honesty was protection from untold embarrassment.
Why you should stop being a people pleaser
Yes, you will hurt people.
You need to stop being a people pleaser, and here are four good reasons why you need to do that today.
- It is not honest
- People-pleasing takes away your freedom
- It is exhausting
- It limits your chances of success
It is not honest
The path of people pleasing looks peaceful and nice.
If it were a nature trail from the trailhead, it would appear flat, beautiful, and easy.
But around that first turn, it becomes a challenge for the fittest of people.
If you run into that situation, you would wonder why they did not tell you such things in the parking lot.
You would feel that someone or some organization had lied to you.
It is no different when we work to be a people pleaser.
Today people are offended at the drop of a hat.
There are days when I honestly feel as though I should lock myself up in my house and talk to no one to keep from offending anyone.
But that would be a dull life.
Some in this situation will go about their day kissing up to their boss, parents, teachers, or whoever they wish to ensure a peaceful day.
The only problem is that you will need to lie if your goal is peace at all costs.
Your boss will ask what you think of his imbecile idea even though he has already decided.
Your parents will want you to visit them the same weekend you plan to vegetate in the backyard after a hard work week.
You will either have to lie to them or yourself.
Either way, dishonesty will reign.
You will have to deny who you really are because someone will not like the real you.
Honesty is the first victim when you strive to please people.
It is a trap
On the people-pleasing path, you are looking for peace.
The birds chirping and the cool breeze cooling your body as you stroll through life.
But what you are not seeing is just below the surface; trap doors and roots are sticking out to trip you up.
As you think you are the nicest person on Earth, someone is waiting to charge you more or get you to do their work.
But because you want to bring peace, you will say nothing.
I strive to live free.
But when I get into people-pleasing mode, I am silent when I should speak, and I speak when I should be silent.
In the wee hours of the morning, I am awakened by the thoughts of what I should have said or done.
I become a captive to my thoughts.
Freedom is the second casualty when you try to be a people pleaser.
It is exhausting
I hate to say it, but once you go down the people-pleaser path, you will find it difficult to get off it.
It seems that there is someone else out there waiting for you to please them around every bend.
Additionally, because of the law of diminishing results, things you did that pleased people today will not work tomorrow.
Every day you will have to find new ways to please them.
The reality is that they will only be partially satisfied.
You will give unending energy and strength to make them happy, and your people-pleasing only makes them hungrier.
You are like salt water to a thirsty person.
Energy is the third victim of being a people pleaser.
It prevents real success
The worst result of this path is that it prevents real success.
The big city worker spends his day in a cubicle all day long and feels guilty.
His bosses devise ideas and visions that he knows cannot possibly work.
Now, this is not pessimism.
Because of your experience at the back dock or in the mail room where you used to work, you have knowledge that seems to be missing from the CEO’s quiver.
But you would rather look like a team player than show any dissension.
If you speak up, you will upset your boss, or worst yet, you might get some extra work.
The company is counting on you to speak, but instead, you remain silent because you want to be liked.
What if you rose up and gave the right information up the chain of command?
What if your information is what it took to save the company?
You will never know because you were silent.
Success is the most disastrous casualty in people pleasing.
Are there moments when people-pleasing is ok?
Say you are sitting there ready to go while your wife or girlfriend prepares for the night out.
You have been ready for a lifetime, but she continues to prepare herself.
Now, you have done all of the Facebook scrolling you can handle.
Deep down, you are getting a little agitated.
Suddenly she appears and asks you, “Do I look fat in this dress?”
I have learned that it is wise not to blurt out the first thing that pops into my head.
Something like, “No, your fat makes you look fat,” will not get you a Husband of the Year award.
So, in that case, maybe you should simply shut your mouth and be a people pleaser.
But in most cases, your best option is to balance truth with love and speak truth.
Doing so will gain new friends in truth, freedom, energy, and success.
