Rinse and Repeat sessions of life
Depression does not give you any warning signs. It doesn’t send you any signals. Depression doesn’t wait for things to go downhill.
Somedays you just go about with your routine and suddenly you just feel this weird vacuum, thats sort of sucking the happy internal thoughts out of you. It won’t take away the external happiness nor leave you (the usually chirpy happy funny person) looking sad. You don’t stop being quirky or funny…but theres just something rolling around inside you that starts messing with your inner balance.
Panic attacks don’t tell you when they’ll happen. Your environment may or may not reveal any signs…but when everything around you starts getting overwhelming and claustrophobic…you just know. You just look around wondering if anyone can tell. You’re stuck in this space where you’re hoping no one can, but wishing someone would.
I feel very normal but I know I’m not okay. I want to deny these feelings and hope they go away. This is what I do most times.
I’ve met a few interesting new people over the weekend…but Im worried I wont see them again. It’s become like a pattern almost, to meet people and think “this time!!.., I got this”……just to be disappointed the next day.
Maybe I over share, or I stay guarded. Either way, theres just something I do, that isn’t right.
So while things spin in and out of control in my life. I sit here hoping that someday, just one of these days, something will happen and things will change. I might find the perfect job or finally move out into the city or a new country. I might just meet the right person…but until then….