What They Don’t Tell You About Abortion
I had an abortion three weeks ago. I haven’t been able to talk about it, which I think is really destructive to me. It made me start to realize how much I might be able to help others who feel as alone as I do right now.
Abortion is one of those topics that we almost ostracize, because it is seen as a choice and it is seen as something secretive we should never talk about. Women are often looked down upon, even by those who may not consider themselves “pro-life” or anti-abortion.
A miscarriage and abortion are extremely similar in physical nature, especially if are required to have a procedure after a miscarriage which is often the case. However, it is often considered that miscarriage is a tragedy and abortion is a horrible choice. Women receive sympathy for a miscarriage and are outcasts for choosing an abortion.
Making the Right “Choice”
When you find out you are pregnant, you essentially have one of three choices. You either carry to term and keep the baby, carry to term and put the baby up for adoption, or you end the pregnancy. It’s not always as simple as it seems. Just like anything else in life, you make a choice based on what you think is *most* right for the various areas of your life. That doesn’t mean it’s an easy choice or that 100% of you is behind that choice.
Let me see if I can put this in perspective. You are very interested in the creative fields and you apply for two jobs, one of which is a low paying graphic design job that is far away but would be something you are passionate about. You also apply for a higher paying corporate position closer to home. This job would provide for your family, but you would feel like a drone. You are offered both jobs and think about it for days and finally choose to take the higher paying one.
You have considered all of the pros and cons of each choice. You don’t feel great about being a corporate drone, but you know you need the money and that traveling further doesn’t make sense. Whatever you have considered, you came to a decision that seemed like the best one. It doesn’t mean 100% of your heart is in it. I rest my case.
It’s like being told you have to choose between having one of two diseases. Well, I didn’t really want to have any type of disease, but I guess if I have to choose one…
When it comes to choosing to if an abortion is right, you are left to make a decision based on medical facts and your life, along with the life of your spouse, partner, or the “father” in question. You are also not given as much information of what to expect as I think would be helpful.
Information I Wish They Provided
Once you have decided that the least destructive choice for yourself, a potential child, and anyone else involved is an abortion, you start the process. Typically when you go to a clinic, they are very scientific. In my case, they gave me paperwork which had to do with preparing for your procedure. I was not eligible for a medical abortion, so it had some information on the way a D&C is performed.
They showed me a video which was made in the 80s and it explained the way the “baby” is developing and what an abortion does. It encouraged you to be very sure about your choice and to alert anyone if you were being pressured to do this.
They did two ultrasounds, one exterior and one interior. They showed me the sonogram and the heartbeat.
Four weeks later, I came back for my procedure. I had already signed documents in my previous appointment, so there wasn’t much to discuss. I had chosen to not be awake during the experience.
When I woke up and was ready to go, they gave me one sheet of paper. This paperwork ONLY talked about some physical aftercare i.e. no sex, no tampons, no swimming, etc. There were a few notes on what to expect in terms of possible bleeding, getting your period again, and birth control. A few notes indicated what are signs that things are not “ok” and when to seek emergency care.
What didn’t they tell me?
· They didn’t tell me I would have an enormous hormonal crash that would feel like someone smashing me with a hammer physically and emotionally, at any random time.
· They didn’t tell me that I would start to have replacement baby feelings or that I would start to wonder about the life growing inside me that I never wanted in the first place.
· They didn’t tell me that I would start crying unexpectedly and have these overwhelming bouts of tears that absolutely wracked my body until I couldn’t breathe.
· They didn’t tell me that I would experience this uncontrollable desire to be comforted and the mental and physical feeling of something missing, from what was once there.
· They didn’t tell me that it’s possible my significant other would suddenly and completely be unable to handle the situation. They have a choice whether or not to deal with it, you don’t.
·They didn’t tell me my anxiety would come back, and come back roaring. I haven’t had this bad anxiety and depression for years, and my energy and ability to cope is almost completely gone.
Try to be More Understanding
Besides the social stigma of abortion, there’s this heavy weight on your shoulders that makes you internalize everything. You start to feel alienated. Abortion may have been the right “choice,” but that doesn’t mean I was properly prepared or aware of how crushing and devastating it can be. I wish they told people about the hormonal crash that occurs after a pregnancy and all the types of feelings and symptoms you can experience after.
I don’t know how long it will be until I’m okay again, but I wish it was more socially acceptable to talk about this. I wish people could understand that we can’t control our emotions, we can’t control how we feel, and the fact that it was a choice doesn’t mean we aren’t sad and don’t have negative feelings.
