The toxic habits that are destroying your relationship.
There is no institution that teaches men and women how to be a good spouse to their lovers.
We probably read some novels on what love should be like and Hollywood and Nollywood have done their best. Haha.
This is real life and sometimes we have some toxic habits that ruin our relationships and the falling apart of your love life could also be your fault and not your spouse's.
In this society, this day men and women are raised to objectify each other and to objectify the relationships they’re in. Thus our partners are often seen as assets rather than someone to share our affection and emotions with.
A lot of unhealthy relationship cultures have been baked into this generation and many have imbibed it as a way of life. Some people are not even aware of their toxic habits and how they are ruining their love lives.
Today I will be sharing with you some of these toxic traits:
1. Passive - aggressiveness
This is a wrong attitude. Many don't open up to their partners about why they are upset or what they really need, they keep giving out hints as to what is wrong instead of actually being upfront about what the problem is. A person has no reason to be passive-aggressive if they feel safe expressing any anger or insecurity within the relationship. You should be able to open up and communicate freely with your lover without fear of being criticized or being shut out by them.
State your feelings and desires openly. And make it clear that the other person is not necessarily responsible or obligated to them but that you’d love to have their support. If they love you, they’ll almost always be able to give it.
2. Buying gifts instead of settling disputes
Giving is a good habit in a relationship. But when you feel that gifts will resolve every fight instead of truly apologizing or talking about it, then there is a big problem.
Not only does it brush the real problem under the rug (where it will always re-emerge from even worse the next time), but it sets an unhealthy precedent within the relationship.
There’s nothing wrong with doing nice things for a significant other after a fight to show solidarity and to reaffirm commitment. But one should never use gifts or fancy things to replace dealing with the underlying emotional issues. Be accountable for your misdeeds, talk about it and make conscious efforts to change.
3. Breakup threats
There is no relationship without fights or challenges but threatening to break ties with your partner every time is emotional blackmail and it is unhealthy for your relationship.
It’s crucial for both people in a relationship to know that negative thoughts and feelings can be communicated safely to one another without it threatening the relationship itself.
4. The relationship score card
It is wrong to keep scores of wrong doings from the past or bringing up your partners faults at every opportunity you get.
The relationship scorecard develops over time because one or both people in a relationship use past wrongdoings in order to try and justify current righteousness. This results in bitterness and might end the relationship because you spend more time justifying your wrongs, proving to be righteous and retaliating misdeeds instead of loving, forgiving and helping each other and the relationship grow.
5. Making your partner jealous
Trying to use someone else to make your partner jealous is a toxic act. Some people believe they can only be assured of good loving if their partner gets jealous.
6. Excessive jealousy
Getting pissed off when your partner talks, touches, calls, texts, hangs out, or sneezes in the general vicinity of another person and then you proceed to take that anger out on your partner and attempt to control their behavior.
Trust your partner till there are actual proofs that they are not worthy of your trust.
People who get overly jealous actually lack a sense of self worth.
7. Blaming your partner for your emotions
It is wrong to transfer aggression or blame your partner for whatever emotions welling up on your inside.
Blaming our partners for our emotions is a subtle form of selfishness, and a classic example of the poor maintenance of personal boundaries. Toxic dependence is wrong, you are responsible for your happiness.
Other toxic habits are
1. Cheating/infidelity
2. Emotional abuse
