October 15, Saturday.
The cycle tends to loop.
Set alarm followed by six more to ensure I wake up in the morning, lie in bed, think too much, meditate, entertain a runoff thought for way too long, fall asleep, wake up, throw on clothes , head out the door, contemplate not going to class, go to class, go to work, pretend, think about what I would rather be doing, come home, make food, do a third of what I wanted to do, socialize, shower, roll into bed. The cycle loops.
This isn’t too far from the average day for most people; It’s not a terrible routine and when I was first given the routine, I actually enjoyed it.
Being busy made me feel productive.
Having every hour of my day scheduled made me feel like I wasn’t being a ‘bum.’ This is my biggest fear, to have lived knowing I wasted my potential; however, like most things it got old and stale. I needed to change it up.
I hadn’t realized what that meant, how could I have. I’m nineteen and the world is being offered to me, with limitless possibilities, I could have anything. But, right now, all I wanted was time; time to think, time to create, time to socialize, time to do. So, I did just that. I gave myself time by dropping my business law class, which I had every Friday. I now went from having school Tuesday through Friday, to just Tuesday through Thursday.
This give me some room to breathe.
Dropping this class allowed me to not have to rush to work directly after class, three days out of the week. Instead this was just two days a week, with my Friday morning open to do more of what I wanted. This was great, I love my mornings. I used this time well and felt more relaxed going into my weekend. I work retail, so my weekends are everything, but relaxing.
This routine lasted another week or so until I ultimately dropped out.
Dropping out gave me all the time in the world. Although I’m still pushing 35+ hours a week at work, I have way more time to spend on myself. Its nice; however, the sentiment, ‘Idle hands make the devils work,’ resonates with me and I understand where its coming from when people use it, or at least I thought I did.
Working at this capacity gets to you.
Set alarm three hours before work followed by four more to ensure I wake up in the morning, lie in bed, think too much, entertain a runoff thought for way too long, fall asleep, wake up, make coffee, research topics that interest me online, throw on clothes for work, head out the door, go to work, pretend, think about what I would rather be doing, come home, make food, do two thirds of what I wanted to do, socialize, shower, roll into bed write an article. The cycle loops.
My days still consist of the same amount of work they did before, same amount of sleep I got before, and probably a little more learning than I did before. My days also have a little less complaining and mediation, and a lot more time to do what I want to be doing.
Aside from stopping my conventional education, what changed?
The only thing that has really changed is my outlook. Instead of having to wake up every morning and dread going to class where I may or may not have had the homework done, I wake up knowing what I have to do for work, personal projects and relationships.
Waking up to coffee and a little bit of research into my passions, allows me to be at ease in the morning. Instead of scrambling to do my homework, which would be due in a couple of hours, I do what I believe is needed to ensure a successful day.
I am more efficient with my time.
I still go on about my day and roll into bed everyday exhausted and burnt out, but I get more of what I want to do, done. The issue is there’s still another third of my daily goals being pushed off till the next day. Not only that, but there is very little free time to unwind and let my brain rest and rebuild some connections. I go about my day exhausted and stressed over the missed work.
Putting me in a perpetual game of catch up, but hey, at least now I’m actually playing.