Go Ahead Be a Baby

What a 6-week-old can teach you about self-advocacy by Matt Meuleners

I recently became a father. Friends and family tried to warn us in advance about how little we would sleep, how often he would eat/cry/destroy a diaper, and how our lives were about to change. Like most new parents, we couldn’t have possibly understood until we were in the midst of it.

My tiny man arrived with a fully developed set of lungs and the will to use them. I don’t want to overstate it – he’s a pretty chill kid overall. But, like all babies, he makes some noise. It seems that at this stage of his development he is equipped with a fairly simple set of possible responses to stimuli:

“I feel hungry” ———- Cry.

“I feel tired” ———- Cry.

“I feel wet/dirty” ———- Cry.

“I feel lonely” ———- Cry.

“I feel like crying” ———- Cry.

Now, please note early in this post that I am not complaining about this situation. My little guy has a lot of growing to do before he could be expected to announce his concerns with a carefully crafted email or interactive slideshow. This is the tool he has at his disposal to inform those who control the resources and environment about his needs. He is actually doing a great job at something which many people fail miserably…self-advocacy.

An advocate is someone who speaks up for another, who takes charge of a situation that may be imbalanced or unfair and calls for a change to the way those resources or environment are managed. For example, the Children’s Defense Fund (www.childrensdefense.org) campaigns for policies and programs that protect children living in poverty, violent situations, or neglect. They are advocates for kids in trouble.

So, to be a self-advocate means you speak up for yourself. When you need something – resources, information, advice…help – you identify those who control the resources and environment and you let them know. So many people simply accept the fact that they are at a disadvantage. They assume that nothing can or will be done to change that fact, that nobody cares.

In my 15 year career as a consultant to education, government, and business leaders I have met countless individuals who are living examples that this assumption is FALSE. There are good people in positions of power who keenly want to help those who need it. There are resources in place to even the playing field for those who have some additional burden to overcome.

Sadly, so few people ask for this help. Want some startling evidence? USA Today reports that “millions of dollars in scholarships go unclaimed every year.” (http://ow.ly/zBc7L) Colleges offer dozens of special services to students for FREE – safety, health, career, social, and academic support services all available to students who simply ask. And yet, many of these offices serve only small fractions of those who could use them.

It’s not just college students either. Younger students often fail to speak up to a trusted adult when they are being bullied, or to a teacher when they are falling behind in class. People of all ages (adults too) don’t ask for help when facing mental health issues like depression or anxiety. In the recent recession, thousands of workers in transition failed to take advantage of government and non-profit programs for skills training and job placement – and many companies reported being unable to fill positions even when the unemployment rate was at painful levels.

So, what’s the answer? There are many reasons that people don’t speak up for themselves, don’t ask for the help they need or deserve. Pride, shame, uncertainty, lack of information, mistrust, or exhaustion might all be to blame. But you can help…you.

Take a lesson from the smallest leadership guru around. When you are hungry, tired, in need of a hug, or some help with that Algebra quiz – make some noise.