Save the first world!
Hello ladies and gentlemen,
So you are here, probably a bit confused about the title. “Is this guy talking about the apocalypse?” “Does he know something that we don’t?” The big question and the one that sums up all of the above is “Why the hell would the first world need saving?” I believe it does, I also believe we are most of the time forgetting what we need to be saved from. so let me tell you a story about a terrible Monday that left me with the conclusion we need to be saved.
Monday, I pull myself out of bed after a night of adventure involving alcohol and poor choices, one of which is drinking alcohol before a work day.
So, after a refreshing sleep of 3 hours, I get up with what can only be described as a nuclear explosion in my skull.
I crawl out of bed, and first thing first I go to Relieve myself and brush my teeth, not simultaneously. I pick up my toothpaste which is of course not closed, so there is a layer of dry paste blocking the rest of it.
Now, in a normal situation I would notice that, but because of the minor apocalypse I had in my head and the fact it’s morning time I just pressed on the tube very strongly, and boy oh boy you had to see the magnificence! Toothpaste is erupting from the tube and flying all around, covering my hands and the floor. Needless to say that only one nanogram of it hit the upper side of the toothbrush. The rest of it is on the handle, my hands, and the floor.
I didn’t know yet this is only the beginning of a much longer day…
A walk in the park
After the toothpaste incident and a quick cleanup, I realized that maybe I’m relieved from my urinal needs, but my dog doesn’t look too comfortable.
So, as I want to keep my floors clean and my dog happy, I took her for a walk.
We went to the park; I took my poop collecting bag, the leash and of course the dog. As I’m walking through the park minding my own business the lovely beast takes care of hers. So I, as an orderly fashioned man, proceed to the collection, and as soon as I collect the joy she created I realized that the poop bag was a traitorous one! It had a hole in it I did not notice, and when I realized it — it was too late. My hand that was just washed by toothpaste and soap has now a smudge of excrement on it.I quickly drop the bag in the nearest bin and head straight home to wash my hands, avoiding touching anything. So before I Even left the house, I was greeted by the (un)holy trinity of poop, toothpaste, and Water.
The way to work
Now I’m on my way to work, pissed about the great morning I’m Having I decide to pull out the headphones out of my pocket to listen to some relaxing Rammstein. And thus it begins, the grand untangle. So now I start to battle with endless loops, knots, and ties of a variety that even the most experienced sailor cannot conjure. As I’m focused on the task that is ahead of me I keep walking to the bus station, and as soon as I’m done with the headphones I lift my head to see that the bus is already at the stop, but I’m not. I start running towards the bus, deep down understanding it’s too late, but still, I run like the wind.
That wasn’t fast enough and now winded and even more pissed I’m standing at the bus stop,
The understanding that I’m going to be late to work is starting to sink in. So I send a message to my manager, take a deep breath and decide for myself everything is OK, I’m all right, just take a deep breath….
Then I realized that one of the rubber plugs on my headphones was lost.
The next few moments will be censored because children might be reading this.
So, after a bus ride filled with muttering and half Rammstein I got to the office.
I’m late, so I go to my manager and apologize 25 times while breathing heavily, getting a lecture from him about time management, responsibility and everything that you dream to hear after an awful morning.
After loads of critical knowledge I got from him, I finally make myself some coffee, sit down and begin to work.
I’m working, and I get a bit sucked into it, so after 30 minutes my hand suddenly recalled to reach out to my coffee cup. And then I took an automatic sip from the coffee cup just to realize it’s as cold as your ex’s heart.
At this point, I took the keyboard, broke my screen with it and stormed out of the office screaming!
At least in my head, this kind of behavior is against office policy.
“So,” you ask yourself, “Sweet story Timmy, what’s the point of it?”
Let me explain.
The point of it
You see, throughout that magical Monday, i had a lot of problems. All of the above are called “first world problems, ” and I think that the fact that they are maybe not as major as in the 3rd world doesn’t mean they are meaningless. They are still problems; they still are ruining our everyday life, and the interesting part is that most of them are also easily solvable.
After that day I decided that complaining is pointless, so every week I’m going to get myself some simple things that solve these problems and I’ll share with you my experience.
I hope you liked this post, please Leave a comment and tell me about your first world problems so that we could solve them together.
See you next week, Have a great day :)