Short Writing

This is a short writing that i write because of some sleepless night and a little bit of thoughts. Recently, I have been wondering about what i want to do in this life because I am not someone who has a clear talent to develop. I thought that maybe I will end up just like ordinary people, just live and breath, not giving something that really meaningful to this huge world. Everytime I look to the people around me, I always feel that I am a mediocre compared to others and it is quite troubling. Deep down I know that I want more. Deep down I know that I want something better than this. It is not about the popularity or position or something like that. It is about how much you can give to your surroundings.

I always envy the people around me because they can give more than me to their surroundings. Make the best with their effort to create change, that leads the surroundings to be better. It is burdening me in some way to see myself to not be able to do that. I dreamt of giving something big, like maybe create some huge creative industry to help many people in this developed country, develop a smart city platform to increase the living quality, or something like that. And it is been a burden to see that I am still far away from that. I am mad and want to slap myself because of my weakness.

But, tonight I realized something. It is not how far away you are from that goal. It is about how concrete is your step to make it to the goal. I realized that I am too focused to my goal and forgot about my small step. Those step that is very precious and meaningful. It is not alwaysthe big thing that is really meaningful. Every small step is count, and i is up to you how impactful is your small step. Sometimes I forgot to polish my shoes and fix it when it’s holed so I fell and slipped easily. I am distracted by the finish line and forgot to really study and doing my job right. And I am really feeling horrible to dissappoint the people around me because of that.

But last, I am not regretting what happened in the past. It is a part of me and it is something that help me to shape the me now. Now, I got to move on and reshape my step. Fixing my shoes, tied it and do a concrete step. I never know when I am gonna fell or slipped again, but I know, to not become a loser I need to keep my head up high and stand again right away.

“ All those of you who has played on the field will have tasted defeat, there’s no player who has not lost before, however the best players, as a tribute to all their efforts, will give everything they’ve got to stand up again, the ordinary players will take them a while to get back on their feet, while the losers will remain flat on the field.” — Darrell Royal

Maybe it is not quite related but that quote is one that motivate me. My sin is that I never actually make a concrete thing in my life and I need to change that. I have to give it all to even my smallest step so I can change, to a better person, to someone worthy of his dream. And no matter how hard it is. How small is the step that I gain, I need to appreciate it and grow.

Fadil Kusuma Wirotama

Written by

Undefined person who is still trying to define himself

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