Stop telling people to “stop apologizing”

Seb Dancer-Michel
Aug 24, 2017 · 2 min read

Today I made a mistake. I missed a deadline, and it was 100% my fault. And I apologized.

Now, that doesn’t seem shocking or hard to do right? Right?

Please, ask yourself this question : When was the last time you apologized honestly to someone?

If you can’t seem to remember, or if it’s too far away in your memories, or if you don’t care, then I’d say you have something to work on.

These last years, I saw and heard a lot of people, whether it was on a blog post, at a conference, or at work, saying things along the lines of stop apologizing. Now you’ll excuse my language, but if your ego is too big to have the decency to apologize to people, then you’re a piece of shit.

I don’t understand the philosophy behind that. What’s the point of saying “apologizing doesn’t get me anything, let’s stop apologizing altogether” ?

Especially in the tech and entrepreneurship industry, it seems okay now to fail again and again, but for some reason apologizing has become a luxury, something you don’t have the time to waste on.

But what do we apologize even for?

  1. Acknowledging the fact that you made a mistake or you fucked up: knowing that you screwed up is the first step towards not screwing up again. It helps us see where we could improve.
  2. Respecting other people’s time and energy.
  3. Facing the consequences.
  4. And because if you can’t apologize for a mistake you did and be honest with yourself, then I don’t know what kind of relationships you have with human people.

Stop telling people to stop apologizing. You’re being a a piece of shit.

(Ah, I really should stop thinking after midnight.)

Apologizing does not always mean you’re wrong and the other person is right. It just means you value your relationship more than your ego.

– Mark Matthews

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