Of course I will write a poem about Taylor Swift writing a song about her breakup with Calvin Harris because I’m drinking wine with my pain pills so piss off ok?

First things first. The dress sucks.

That out of the way, this is a very important thing to write about, don’t you agree?

Yes? Good.

Ok, here’s a poem about Taylor Swift writing a song about her breakup with Calvin Harris.

Wait a sec. I know the name Taylor Swift, but who the hell is Calvin Harris?

Before I write that poem, I shall wash down my third pain pill of the day.

Why, you ask? You’re not supposed to do that shit for 24 hours following general anesthesia.

Tough, I just popped it.

Ok, shit’s kicking in now. Let’s write that poem, shall we?

This is my poem about Taylor Swift writing a song about her breakup with Calvin Harris.

Wait! I want to write about Calvin and Hobbes.

Before I write my poem, allow me to, um… allow me… wait a sec…hang on…

Excuse me! Calvin Harris isn’t his real name!? How in fuck’s name can I write a poem about Taylor Swift’s breakup with Calvin Harris if Calvin Harris isn’t his meme? Er, name.

I will now eat a Twinkie and go to bed.

Damn, you people are slow.

I’ll write this fucking poem if it kills me!

This is my poem about Taylor Swift writing a song about her breakup with Calvin Harris…

Addicted to stats I is I am

so I drink and pop pills cause that’s what I am,

cause I love my stats, they’re better than yours,

think I’ll go to the fridge and grab me a Coors.