This LA Gangsta Don’t Like Cookies!
Fatty is baking cookies for the whole gang and will be soon sending them out. Fatty will keep you posted on the latest developments.
I Don’t Give A FUcc Succ My Dicc U Damn Crack Head E-mail Me Again
And Get Mail Bombed U Punk Azz Fuccin Cave Bitch Fucc Ya daughter
And U. HAHAHA U Got Ripped Tha Fucc Off HAHAHA I Hope It Happenz
From: email@example.com (HuSTLa)
November 4, 1996
Sadly, I must inform you of the following:
Fatty baked the cookies. Burned the first batch. Ate ’em anyway. Cooked a second batch. Turned out good. Wrapped ’em while still warm and sent ’em to Cane at HuSTLa. Fatty thought the gift of cookies would soften this gangsta’s heart. Fatty was wrong.
After waiting a respectful time for a courteous reply, Fatty e-mailed Cane on November 4. Fatty’s message and Cane’s response follow:
>Hope the cookies arrived in good condition. I burnt the first
>never made cookies before. Shit! Fatty never wore an apron before
>so I ate em. Not bad except for the burnt stuff. Yours came out
>though. I wrapped ’em while they were still warm from the oven.Then
>to the Post Office and found out they closed at 10:30
in Rogersville, so I
>hustled down to Athens where they close at noon. Just made it.
>Hope your Halloween was cool.
Damn Ya Bitch Azz Still E-mailin Me Shut Up Bitch
Fatty mailed the following reply to Cane’s message:
>Ok. Sayonara man.
And Cane replied:
Ya Nigga Check Ya Self When A Real Nigga Talk Beeeyich!Q
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — -
Fatty Moon’s vocabulary, which has been programmed by GodLink, appears to be lacking the gangsta phonemes. Hence, Fatty feels that nothing but misunderstanding and ill will can result from further contact with this person called “Cane.”
Fatty wishes the HuSTLa group all the best.
OH MY GOD THERE’S A BACKSTORY?
Note: Cap’n Fatty cannot vouch for what you are about to read. Fatty got it from a very reputable lady and agreed to pass it on in exchange for certain favors.
My daughter and I had just finished a salad at Neiman-Marcus Cafe in Dallas and decided to have a small dessert. Because both of us are such cookie lovers, we decided to try the “Neiman-Marcus Cookie”. It was so excellent that I asked if they would give me the recipe and the waitress said with a small frown, “I’m afraid not.” Well, I said, would you let me buy the recipe? With a cute smile, she said, “Yes.” I asked how much, and she responded, “Only two fifty, it’s a great deal!” I said with approval, just add it to my tab.
Thirty days later, I received my VISA statement from Neiman-Marcus and it was $285.00. I looked again and I remembered I had only spent $9.95 for two salads and about $20 for a scarf. As I glanced at the bottom of the statement, it said, “Cookie Recipe — $250.00.” That’s outrageous!! I called Neiman’s Accounting Dept. and told them the waitress said it was “two-fifty,” which clearly does not mean “two hundred and fifty dollars” by any *POSSIBLE* interpretation of the phrase.
Neiman-Marcus refused to budge. They would not refund my money, because according to them, “What the waitress told you is not our problem. You have already seen the recipe — we absolutely will not refund your money at this point.” I explained to her the criminal statutes which govern fraud in Texas, I threatened to refer them to the Better Business Bureau and the State’s Attorney General for engaging in fraud. I was basically told, “Do what you want, we don’t give a crap, and we’re not refunding your money.” I waited, thinking of how I could get even, or even try and get any of my money back. I just said, “Okay, you folks got my $250, and now I’m going to have $250.00 worth of fun.”
I told her that I was going to see to it that every cookie lover in the United States with an e-mail account has a $250.00 cookie recipe from Neiman-Marcus… for free. She replied, “I wish you wouldn’t do this.” I said, “Well, you should have thought of that before you ripped me off,” and slammed down the phone on her.
So here it is!!! Please, please, please pass it on to everyone you can possibly think of. I paid $250 for this… I don’t want Neiman-Marcus to *ever* get another penny off of this recipe….
(Recipe may be halved.) :
2 cups butter
4 cups flour
2 tsp. soda
2 cups sugar
5 cups blended oatmeal**
24 oz. chocolate chips
2 cups brown sugar
1 tsp salt
1 8 oz. Hershey Bar (grated)
2 tsp. baking powder
3 cups chopped nuts (your choice)
2 tsp. vanilla
**Measure oatmeal and blend in a blender to a fine powder.
Cream the butter and both sugars. Add eggs and vanilla; mix together with flour, oatmeal, salt, baking powder, and soda. Add chocolate chips, Hershey Bar and nuts. Roll into balls and place two inches apart on a cookie sheet. Bake for 10 minutes at 375 degrees. Makes 112 cookies.
Have fun!!! This is *not* a joke — — this is a true story. Ride free, citizen!