Day 148 — I lost two dogs today. Mia and Fatty. Two little Maltese/Shih-tzu mix puppies. They somehow got out of our back yard this morning. People confirmed they saw them as we frantically searched all morning. The police, animal services, animal hospitals, Facebook, and 150+ flyers covering a couple of miles around our home later and still tonight…no calls. One is chipped, neither had their collars on. Don’t ask.

Bereft. Heartbroken. Panic stricken. We will be back searching tomorrow am. I am going to will myself to sleep so that I can get a respite from the absolute physical pain of this loss. Hoping good people found them and will help them find their way back to our arms.

Before my weight loss and self transformation journey I would have grabbed a glass of wine..or two. Stat. Instead, once night fell halting our search, I ran to this blog. And as I plunge into the darkness in a free fall…I am holding my breath…hoping beyond all hope they will be returned to us. I am definitely at a trigger point. I feel it banging it’s way through my skull. Whispering…”let me in.” I’m worth more than a glass of wine, or any other “feel-good reward.” So I’m not planing on cracking. Not that I am not thinking about it. Struggling. Straight up.

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