Trying to stay in the buggy…
Day 416 — I caught myself describing my mother today to someone who never had the good fortune to know her. Wow. In some ways I was describing myself. I felt pretty good about that. It made me feel like my path forward, sometimes untethered and unfettered, and other times problematic and difficult, is leading me straight towards a life worthy of her incredible legacy. If only I can continue to hold my shit together.
4'11" and maybe 89lbs wet, she was a pistol. Her claim to fame in our family, aside from being a formidable disciplinarian, (Sicilian style) was that she single handedly threw the ENTIRE Green Bay Packers team out of my parents nightclub. No joke. She was terrifying. And hilarious all at once.
Just like one of my best friends. Her children, like mine, insist on taking embarrassing, candid photos of us while we least expect it. Then send it off into the ether of the digital universe to friends. Typically via #Snapchat.
A while back, I caught a Snapchat glimpse of my friend in one of those videos sent out by her kids in her pool. Splashing around. By herself. Trying to entice her teen daughters to come into the water and have some fun. Instead they video taped her. Admittedly. It is f”king hilarious. I can’t really blame them. She is SO silly.
Which is hilarious because she is SO terrifying in her professional life. Seriously. Her on the other side of the table is a problem for whomever is her adversary.
Ironic. Like my mother, friend, and to a lesser extent myself, the lens through which we see ourselves, can be vastly different to how our nearest and dearest view us vs. reality. Which is how I got fat. That disconnect. Like a weird click that happens in your brain, signaling you, “Don’t worry! You shit glitter and you have it all together!” And you don’t. It’s probably some sort of survival instinct. Cognitive dissonance.
Trying to stay “in the buggy” for me is a real trip without luggage if I don’t watch it. And while I’m struggling a bit right now, hopefully, while our children are watching and laughing in our face today, they will love and be inspired by us tomorrow. Like my mother.
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