I’m glad for you that the relationship between you and your mother did not become arrested in the state it was in during those years where you had to be more responsible than most kids that age were. I suppose, ultimately, even if you had to get a whoopin at 3 am and still do the dishes, she was doing all of these things out of love. Because she certainly didn’t have to do work like that.
It’s a lot to unpack, just reading what you wrote, so I can imagine its an ongoing process for you.
I unfortunately do not have a mother to interact with that has seen the fault in her choices when I was a teenager, towards me and towards my brother. If I didn’t have a family of my own, I could probably deal with it. But having vulnerable children of my own? As much as it hurts for them not have one less grandma — and it does hurt — its saving a lot of hurt in the future, and not just to myself in this case.
Thank you for your writing.