I do not stand here on my wedding day optimistic or full hope , I am not optimistic , I am not hopeful. I am sure , I am steady. I’m a hurt man. I am sure. You are my partner , my lover, my very best friend. My heart, my heart beats for you. And on this day of our wedding I promise you this , I promise you to lay my heart in the palm of your hands, I promise you … Me.’

My ex boyfriend sent this to me in 2009, he was at a wedding and this was the groom’s speech to his new bride. I guess at that time we were under the impression that one day we would have our own moment, something similar. We had no idea that our journeys of life had just started, little did we know that we were going to experience it apart. Almost after a decade now, I wonder where that couple are on their journey of togetherness.

Ours was a promising relationship, a smitten 19 year old girl and an ambitious 22 year old boy with plans larger than life. I thought he was larger than life, I began to see things his way and I lost my own perspective. That was the problem . I didn’t understand that I needed to be my person, myself, have my own views and opinion. And so it ended due to a few unavoidable reasons, but one I can recall was insecurity on my part. I had lost my identity and so I saw myself in him, and couldn’t imagine not being part of his life.

Seven years later, I still haven’t gotten into another serious relationship. But if I were to, I’m definitely going in with lesson learnt. Can’t forget at that time I was juvenile, so inexperience and naivety played out. I am grateful for the experience because of what I learnt from it. And that is you cannot be with someone when you have not found yourself yet. Look at it this way, a relationship shouldn’t be two halves forming a whole, rather it should be about two wholes forming a bigger union.

Truth is before you decide to commit, wether it is a serious relationship or marriage, be sure that you feel complete by yourself.

As a girl, I’m your hopeless romantic. When it comes to movies and books, those are my genres. I believe weddings are the most magical moments and I find myself crying when I attend these ceremonies. I strongly believe in the concept of love and soulmates, but from my experience and later rumination, I realized the perception had to change and to unlearn that finding a partner equals someone who has come to complete us.

Being complete means when you’re in a relationship you feel whole, grounded and independent. That you are objective, know what you want and what is best for you. And that most times, the emotions in your relationship are positive feelings- joy, bliss, contentment. See I said most times, because human beings are flawed and we cannot avoid negativity once in a while but it shouldn’t be the basis of your union.

I’m going to quote the Queen here ;Beyoncé's lyrics from her song ‘1+1'

‘I don’t know much about algebra, but I know 1+1 equals 2'

Photo credit: Stu Willis. Love. Journey.Road. by Stu Willis.