I’M SHAKING IT ALL OFF AND MOVING AHEAD
Ever felt like nobody had your back? Like nobody gives a damn about you? Tell me about it because that’s how I’ve felt sometimes lately in my life. I wanted to be downtrodden but I told myself I wasn’t going to let anything or anyone make me feel like I’m shit.
I have made so many decisions to move forward which funny enough I’ve not taken bold steps to stick to. And if I had taken these decisions, I would have gone far in my career and life in general. These decisions I’ve refused to take affects my family and invariably my career.
I’ve missed many opportunities pertaining to career because I keep thinking of family first. I didn’t want to seem selfish but now I’m taking the selfish lane. I derived joy working in the family business because of my mom, bless her soul. She did all to encourage us to work together though we’ve been able to achieve a lot working together since she passed on, I think it’s now time to finally move on with my life.
I started working in the family business which was then only a bookshop and a computer centre when I was in secondary school. I remembered always wanting to spend my holidays playing on the computer, playing Zuma, pretend typing until I decided I want to learn typesetting. I started using the Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing software which really helped me improve my typing skills soon I was on the way to becoming the best typist in Ojo Military Cantonment, Lagos Nigeria. My sister would give me some of her typing job then and I would type them so fast with enthusiasm and she was surprised how fast I learnt typing. This continued till I was able to handle any work that came alone. Mom (who was in charge of photocopies, causing her to stand for a long period of time) always made sure that while we were busy we were never hungry; she would place orders for our food and bring it to us asking us to leave whatever we were doing to eat. Sweet mom! She never joked with our health and feeding. All this attention surely made me feel special and I always wanted to be in the 'shop' as we would call it. She would provide for our clothing and accessories and when there was no money she was to communicate and tell us to exercise patience that all, would be well soon enough.
But all this enthusiasm was shortlived because when she (mom) died, I got to know there were two sides to a coin. We struggled, my elder sister and I for the family to feed and clothe and we were able to add a superstore to our business. I am not quite happy because my elder sister never communicates. She doesn’t give me money to get all my necessities and would never bother to tell you this is the reason she has not given you money. To buy my monthly data for browsing, I would mostly use tips given to me by customers or ask some close friends for the money. She wants to know how I get every dime I spend, people I make friends with; she basically wants to know every thing going on in my life. It’s not I don’t appreciate the care (obsession as I sometimes may call it), but a girl has got to have her space sometimes. I’ve told her times without number, if you are unable yo give me money for a particular month, call me and give me the reasons, I’m sure I’m very understanding to understand her but she would never do that.
I’ve spent 5 years of my life, unable to do personal things like shopping, outing (unless on Christmas), meeting new friends (I don’t even have any friend except on social media), unable to improve my career, unable to school (though it’s not her fault) etc. Trust me this list is endless.
Coupled with some other things I’m unable to mention here, most times I feel like committing suicide when these family problems compound. I am not taking it anymore, and I’m leaving the family business to finally sort out my life. I can’t do this anymore, no dime, nothing to show for my hardwork all these years, absolutely nothing.
Now I’m concentrating on writing Joint Admission Matriculation Board (JAMB) examination to gain admission to study Clinical Psychology and I want to really face my blogging, writing and TV personality dreams. The business have taken a lot of my time, now I’m redeeming the lost time because this time, I’m sticking to this decision of mine.
