Only! If only I was an animation
And my family members were something drawn up on a sheet by a director
Characters would be created and recreated till they were too perfect
Till they made less sense
Till they are a bit scrawny and zany
Well at least no one gets to make fun of another
Because we would seem too perfect in our mind's eyes
I wish I was a mackle
Well at least I would have double life
I would at least have the guts to live life with such reckless abandon
My mom would still be here
Because I would I would redraw her so she would come alive again
Much more perfect than she was
No one would have to pass through senescence
Because life would just continue
No accidents, no terminable diseases, no suffering and no deaths!
I wish I could turn back the hands of time
If I was given one wish
I would wish my mom back alive
She had said it "you won't appreciate what you have till you lose it"
I had said to myself "I will have you for a long time"
I had imagined mom being there when I make it big
I had imagined her taking care of me and my little cuddly baby
I had imagined mom being there for my children!
I had imagined them say "grandma"
Now they would probably only say it to their father's mom
Sincerely speaking I hadn't, couldn't imagine life without you
Now I face my worst fears
Because you're not there to tell me this is right path for you
I miss your delicacies and intimate care
I remember how you would sit awake watching my sickly eyes
How you would wake me up in the middle of the night to administer my dose
How you would wake me up in the middle of the night to correct my misdoings
How you would advise me on a great many things
I remember those stern looks which correct my misbehaviours
Those eyes that tell me silently what to do in the midst of strangers
I still wonder how I ever understood what you always meant
I remember those hands that never stopped giving to the poor
I remember how we would go on empty stomach just for you to give to the poor
I remember your nickname "mama eagle" - the one who watched over her loved ones like an eagle and tolerated no nonsense
I remember your cream, soap, clothes and even smell
I remember your black shiny hair I loved staring at and wishing I had same
I remember loving to lie down on your bed; because it felt so comfy
I remember how you would make sure we all prepared for church on time
I remember how you struggled to protect your sisters from harm
I remember how you brought your family together
I remembe how you struggled to pay my fees
I remember how you would stand all day just to see us fed and clothed
I remember how you would have those body aches and take analgesics to feel better
I remember how you were respected by both young and old, great and small
I remember how you had given me your best wrapper to wear on cultural day in school
I remember your best gele you lent me
I remember how you would encourage me to draw and how you had same talent
I remember your 5:00am morning prayers that would last an hour
I remember how you loved your water for bathing
I remember how you loved to eat your noodles; not to soft, not too strong, garnished with vegetables
I remember the last food I prepared for you - unripe plantain porridge. I remember how you gave me directions on its preparation and how you had blessed me after eating it because you were sick
How couldn't I have known you were going to go and leave a little me behind
Is it a crime to grow to an adult with my mother by my side?
I get jealous seeing my age mates with their mothers
And my heart yearns, bleeds and pines for you over and over again
My eyes are filled with tears; tears soaked in anguish
I can't write no more for fear of my heart breaking
I'll end it here because I can't take it anymore
Please come back to me in any form

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