Keeping it in the Family

Prosecuting and Persecuting a psychological glitch

In nearly every human culture around the world, incest is considered taboo. Sure, the thought of anything remotely sexual with a blood relative commonly evokes a deeply ingrained gag reflex for most folk, but it does happen more often than we’d like to think.

According to Stats Canada, 17 per cent of girls under the age of 16 have experienced some form of incest, while the stat for males is completely amiss. Yet, incest continues to be such a major taboo that many cases go unreported and is neglected from conversations for the sake of saving ourselves discomfort. And while all incest is placed under the umbrella of sexual abuse — what happens when you find yourself having romantic feelings for a family member?

You can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friendships and romantic partners — and some combine them all. It’s called “genetic sexual attraction” (GSA) and it is commonly found in blood relatives who have been estranged and reconnect later in life.

Now, in the age of the sperm donor, the growing reality is that GSA is becoming more common. The Guardian reported that “50 per cent of reunions between siblings, or parents and offspring, separated at birth result in obsessive emotions” that can feel a lot like romantic love.

Research on GSA is still limited but experts have theorized different reasons for this mutation on family love. Whether it’s an overpowering feeling of closeness based on likenesses or a sense of wanting to experience the affection missed out on during childhood, a dialogue needs to be opened up and struck from its taboo closet so GSA and those entrapped in these taboo feelings can be better understood.

While it’s easy to point fingers and persecute individuals engaged in incestuous relationships, it is harder to look beyond our own disgust. It is doubtful anyone would hope to develop romantic feelings for a family member, knowing full well they would never be able to openly engage in a healthy and socially accepted relationship. For those suffering from GSA, they are likely tormented by their own feelings and plagued with a deep-seeded shame.

With so few forums to openly and safely talk about these feelings, victims of GSA are criminalized for a glitch in our own human psychology. Support groups such as Gsaforums.com offer a safe haven for helping people who are dealing with the aftermath of GSA relationships or are still actively within a GSA relationship.

Through cultural conditioning and evolutionary cues, it is clear that incest is wrong. When developing romantic feelings towards a family member, there can be dire consequences beyond social persecution. However, some people believe that incest isn’t that bad when it happens between two consenting adults.

One of the major concerns inspired by the mention of ‘incest’ is inbreeding and the higher rate of birth defects associated with incestuous couplings. All living things benefit from genetic diversity, but if victims of GSA are both consenting adults that are not planning on having children — a crime with no real victims other than one another — it’s doubtful these laws are doing anything to protect society or “victims”.

In fact, many of the laws in place across the US and Canada were enacted to avoid just that — the genetic defects from physical to mental disabilities. Thus far, the laws are not completely consistent throughout North America, leaving some wiggle room for those in GSA relationships to find refuge from a criminal charge. Following the publication of the article “What it’s Like to Date your Dad”, through NY Mag blog The Science of Us, an unnamed 18 year old woman in a romantic relationship with her father noted that they would be moving to New Jersey where incest is not illegal. Both New Jersey and Rhode Island have decriminalized incestuous relationships but marriages between family members are still banned. In October 2014, New York’s high court allowed an uncle and niece the right to marry, despite this being illegal in New York for over 100 years.

The problem with taboos like incest is our own fear about discussing them. The idea is that incest is a violation of our natural order, it swims against all of our inherited moral structures — but there is more to incestuous relationships than abuse and condemnation.

What is largely forgotten while we are busy dry heaving trying to avoid any thoughts of incest, is that GSA is a reality that is equally shamed. It isn’t asked for and often transpires between consenting adults, it’s a consequence that many individuals who have been adopted or estranged from their family may face.

It’s time to practice more understanding so those tormented by their own feelings can make the best choices and find support without judgement.