My lady is pregnant! Popular opinion says wait to tell people, here’s why we’re not.
Andrew Horn
10312

FTR — I think there are two points you’re missing in relation to responses to this article, and they feed into one another.

  1. The tradition about waiting to share pregnancy news until after the risk of miscarriage goes down has never been primarily about friends and family — it’s about everyone else. Most people tell their parents, their siblings, their close friends, etc. right away. In fact the only people who usually don’t share their news with anyone right away are those who already have a history of miscarriage. The waiting period is for the rest of the world.
  2. People who are cautioning you about spreading this mentality aren’t really talking about making a public announcement like this article. They are talking about things like telling your hairdresser, telling your mailman, telling the neighbors you don’t know well, etc. These are not people whom you should feel obligated to let “be there for you” after the devastation that can be a miscarriage, and the more of these people you tell, the more times you and your wife could have to relive the trauma later.

Yes, the stigma of miscarriage needs to go. Yes, we should let our loved ones be there for us if we suffer through such a thing. And yes, women should feel free to tell their bosses of an impeding pregnancy without risk of it affecting their job.

But contrary to what your article seems to be suggesting, none of that has to do with the “traditional waiting period.” It’s simply about only telling people you love and trust until you’re past the highest risk period.

Obviously you’re only sharing the choice you and your wife made, and not telling anyone else what to do. But the article is short some perspective, if you’re not acknowledging the vast difference between informing your parents and telling your 8th grade teacher on Facebook.