What makes you think I want ANYTHING to do with your Id?
Part 2 of my series of revisiting my old blogs. ;)
Originally posted on AFF 01/01/2014
Let’s talk about a profile buzzword that pesters me to no end, mostly because most people using it are clearly not conscious of its actual meaning — the word being, “Id.” First of all, for those unfamiliar with how the Id works, in conjunction with the other parts of the conscious mind, as described by Freud, please see the very illuminating breakdown below, courtesy of a very well developed yourdictionary article…
Id: Meeting Basic Needs
The id is the most basic part of the personality, and wants instant gratification for our wants and needs. If these needs or wants are not met, a person becomes tense or anxious.
* Sally was thirsty. Rather than waiting for the server to refill her glass of water, she reached across the table and drank from Mr. Smith’s water glass, much to his surprise.
* A hungry baby cried until he was fed.
* A toddler who wanted another helping of dessert whined incessantly until she was given another serving.
* Michael saw a $5 bill fall out of Nick’s backpack as he pulled his books out of his locker. As Nick walked away, Michael bent over, picked up the money, and slipped it into his pocket, glancing around to make sure no one was looking.
* On Black Friday, customers were so obsessed with getting a good deal that they shoved others out of their way and trampled them, not thinking twice about hurting people if it meant they could get want they wanted.
* In line at the salad bar, Amy was so hungry that she shoved a handful of croutons in her mouth as she waited for the line to move.
* Bart was stuck in traffic. He just wanted his vehicle to move! Enraged at the situation, Bart pulled his car onto the shoulder and sped forward, not caring that he was clipping people’s side mirrors as he tried to get ahead of the cars in front of him.
Ego: Dealing with Reality
The ego deals with reality, trying to meet the desires of the id in a way that is socially acceptable in the world. This may mean delaying gratification, and helping to get rid of the tension the id feels if a desire is not met right away. The ego recognizes that other people have needs and wants too, and that being selfish is not always good for us in the long run.
* Sally was thirsty. However, she knew that her server would be back soon to refill her water glass, so she waited until then to get a drink, even though she really just wanted to drink from Mr. Smith’s glass.
* Even though Michael needed money, he decided not to steal the money from the cash register because he didn’t want to get in trouble.
* In line at the salad bar, Amy really wanted to shove a handful of croûtons into her mouth. However, since her boss was there, she decided to wait another minute or two until she sat down to eat.
* Mary really wanted to borrow her mom’s necklace, but knew her mom would be angry if she took it without asking, so she asked her mom if she could wear it.
* Hillary was so sweaty after her workout that she wanted to change her clothes right there by the car. However, she knew the other people around her would not approve, so she waited until she was in the restroom to change.
* Katie’s mom had given her $25 to purchase groceries for dinner that night. At the mall, Katie saw shoes that she really wanted, and was tempted to use the money from her mom to make the purchase. However, if she spent the money on shoes, she wouldn’t have enough to buy the groceries, so she decided she better not buy the shoes.
* Tim really wanted to slug Mark for what he had just said. However, Tim knew if he hit Mark, he would be kicked off the baseball team, and since he loved baseball, he unclenched his fists and walked away.
Superego: Adding Morals
The superego develops last, and is based on morals and judgments about right and wrong. Even though the superego and the ego may reach the same decision about something, the superego’s reason for that decision is more based on moral values, while the ego’s decision is based more on what others will think or what the consequences of an action could be.
• Sarah knew that she could steal the supplies from work and no one would know about it. However, she knew that stealing was wrong, so she decided not to take anything even though she would probably never get caught.
• Maggie couldn’t remember the answer to test question #12, even though she had studied. Nate was the smartest kid in the class, and from where Maggie sat, she could see his answers if she turned her head slightly. When Mrs. Archer turned her back, Maggie almost cheated, but her conscience stopped her because she knew it was wrong. Instead, Maggie took a guess at the answer and then turned in her paper.
• While away on business, Tom had many opportunities to be unfaithful to his wife. However, he knew the damage such behavior would have on his family, so made the decision to avoid the women who had expressed interest in him.
• When Michael saw the $5 bill lying on the floor with no one around it, he turned it into the school office in case anyone came looking for it. He wouldn’t want to lose $5, and hoped that whoever had lost it would ask about it in the office.
• The cashier only charged the couple for one meal even though they had eaten two. They could have gotten away with only paying for one, but they pointed out the cashier’s mistake and offered to pay for both meals. They wanted to be honest and they knew that the restaurant owner and employees needed to make a living.
• On the playground, two kids were making fun of Joseph because he wore glasses. John was tempted to join in so that he could make himself look good, but when he thought about how bad Joseph must already feel, he knew that he couldn’t.
• Will had worked hard all season to break the school record in cross-country. During his last race he had the opportunity to cut a corner and therefore lower his time, because no officials were watching that part of the course. As much as he wanted to break the school record, Will knew he wouldn’t feel good about himself if he cheated, so he stuck to the course and ran as fast as he could.
The id, ego and superego work together in creating a behavior. The id creates the demands, the ego adds the needs of reality with the superego adds morality to the action which is taken.
So Id, is the part of the mind that is about as selfish and self-involved as you can get — not surprising really, it is the only one of Freud’s trinity that has the word “I” in it.
Which begs the question — if your profile describes your desire to let your Id fly free, why exactly should ANYONE want to indulge you in that? The Id, without the other parts of the mind, is the ultimate thoughtless prick, choosing always its own pleasure, over the wants or needs of others. A person whose Id is in control, even briefly, is pretty much the definition of the shittiest lover imaginable.
Now, I know there are some who’ll say, “But I take pleasure in my partner’s pleasure.” Bullshit. Not if your Id is in charge you don’t. That is literally impossible. The Id is all about your own gratification and satisfaction — it is incapable of caring about the pleasure of others. That would require it putting off what it wants NOW in exchange for the rewards of friendship and kindness later. That kind of behavior is not in the Id’s wheelhouse.
Of course, there are also people who think Freud’s perceptions of the levels of human consciousness were — at best — incomplete. But those aren’t the people putting things in their profile like, “Seeking a chance to let my Id run a bit wild,” are they?
The men on this site who are all about instant gratification, who think that any amount of conversation is “working for it,” and everyone loves having sex with complete strangers they’re just afraid to admit it, the ones who are 40 years old and still communicate like high school students — those are the men still being led around by their Id.
Do you see what I did there? ;)
Based on my profile and blog, how interested do you think I am, in men who let themselves be led by their Id?
Don’t get me wrong — sex is about fun and play, and I favor men who understand that. And I also know that the ability to indulge your every fantasy, without consequence or inhibition, is kind of a natural part of being a human being…
… if we had a holodeck, oh the things we’d ALL do with it…
…oh, right, we already know what we’d do with it.
But I am NOT interested in pursuing any kind of a relationship, even the most basic of friendships, with someone who lets his Id run even a little wild. I prefer someone who has all the necessary equipment, to be a fully functioning adult — including the ability to put off instant gratification for a far more gratifying experience down the road.
If you want to pursue a life of instant gratification, that is certainly your right. But even the most ardent hedonist, is going to think about consequences and empathy once in a while. Because pleasure is often hard to come by, when you’re alone — humans are social creatures by nature. But no one in their right mind wants anything to do with a person incapable of caring about the needs or wants of others.
So instead of trying to boil down your approach to life and/or sex, in a single word — which amounts to a horrible oversimplification of an incredibly complex psychological theory — why not use a few more words? Say you’re looking for someone who’s sexually adventurous, that you’re eager to be more free and uninhibited, that you want to pursue rather carnal and base activities.
But don’t say you want to let the psychotic, do-whatever-the-hell-it-wants part of your brain off-book. That’s not being clever and witty, it’s sounding like either a very scary person, or a very stupid one.