How Passive Feminism is Killing Equality
Modern Ideas On How Active Feminists Should Be.
An indirect reply to Kel Campbell’s “Sexism is Hard to Explain”
When I was young, my father asked me to wake my brother up, so I thought of doing something good that day and went to my brother’s room to wake him up. I started singing loudly (& may I add “Beautifully”) to wake him up. After half an hour my brother got up and started screaming at the top of his lungs, Annoyed. My father came and heard what happened and yelled at me for doing so. So I objected and said, “I was doing something good! I was just doing what you asked me to do.” And my father replied, and I’ll never forget what he said because it changed my perspective on how to go about things. He told me, “It’s not what you did, It’s how you did it..”
And that opened my eyes and made me think, and so I formed my own idea about this subject. It’s not the message you want to deliver to others, it’s your behavior, attitude, and the way you deliver it..
And I think this applies perfectly here, it’s not the message of “Feminism” that is wrong here, it’s the way it’s delivered. First of all, before I say anything more, I want to clarify that I’m a feminist (& utterly proud). But there are two kinds of feminism out there these days, Ugly (old) feminism, and beautiful (modern) feminism. Or more precisely, Passive feminism, and Active feminism.
My problem here is with passive feminism (or passive feminists, to be more precise).
The first time I heard this situation of ‘opening-doors’ sexism by men from a feminist’s point of view, I was so angry, instinctively…. As a nice gentleman guy who enjoys doing good. I mean who wouldn’t be?.. The reason why I felt that way is because I like being that nice guy, I liked opening doors for others, strangers, not women only, but other men, old people, and children too.
Literally, I opened the door and kept it open for whoever is behind me, out of respect, and so it doesn’t slam on their faces when I enter, and… well, because it feels good to help others without them even requesting it. So, naturally, I felt really angry hearing for the very first time the idea “We don’t want men opening doors for us, because it implies..” this, this, and that…
Even though I did it solely for me, because I felt good doing it, I felt hurt knowing that other women, or more specifically, Feminists, felt that way, and also decline such a random act of kindness.
I know I know, “it’s not about the door!”
But, it is about something in that situation, or in other situations similar to these, ..
Anyhow, since it’s a social-phycological problem, Let’s take a look at both women’s and man’s perspectives in such a situation just to understand where this implied sexism is coming from..
If it’s actually the Man’s fault, or a woman’s? Or if it’s just the fault of a random situationary fate, that put men in a situation they find psychologically favorable, and feminist women don’t.
Women who seek equality in treatment, in such a situation, seem (or feel) as if they are “the vulnerable sex” who are in need of a Man’s help. And they feel ..that whenever a man opens a door for them, or does anything else that makes them feel like the weaker sex, that he’s intentionally or unintentionally participating in sexism (towards women).
Men, in such a situation, seem (or think) as if they are only doing a quick random act of kindness by opening a door for another human being, regardless of gender (but happens to be a woman, a feminist). I don’t think there are any men who think the thought of hurrying to open a door just to feel like the dominant superior sex… (Or, to feel like the stronger sex that doesn’t need any help), and that the other sex needs the help,
It’s just a f*cking door.
Thinking Through both of women’s and men’s perspectives, it’s logically shown above that it’s not the fault of naive men, for just merely being kind with clear intentions.
So, it’s either because of women’s suspicious outlook about men and their perspective about sexism. Or, the unfavorable situational fate that puts women in situations that makes them feel more less powerful in situations, and powerful in others, And Men more powerful in situations, and less powerful in others.. (And I’ll give an example of both in a minute.)
But since it’s clear as day that it’s NOT a man’s fault, then it’s either a feminist’s faulty perspective, or a misfortunate unfavorable event(s) to the female sex that makes them seem or feel like “the less dominant sex.”
So, in Reality, the blame of this “situational sexism” is actually being thrown at men’s deeds as if it’s their fault for (literally) just being & acting the way God made them, the way they are, ..Men.
(& of course I’m not talking about obvious sexism here where a guy harasses a girl, no. I’m talking about involuntary reactions of nice men in such situations, “situational sexism”)
And, disregarding that these are natural behaviors in nice men, they impose the statement that all men who (intentionally or unintentionally) participate in such acts, acts that implies that women are weak & incapable, are Sexist. ..Even though it’s not their fault because their actions are involuntary to such situations.
The reason why these accusations against men don’t hold up is because they’re just accidental situational favoritism for one sex over another, which fate plays a big roll in. There are common situational double standards that put women in a more favorable situation, & men in an unfavorable situation, but most men don’t pay too much attention to them to actually point them out & call it sexism. The only reason that these (so called) “situational sexism” do hold up now is because they’re blindly used with the defense of feminism and equality.
However, let’s see how this feminist perspective of equality gets applied if the situation was the opposite, If it was unfavorable for men and favorable for women. Because it almost seems as if Feminists want to be equal, but don’t want to treat with equality:
Imagine this scenario:
A guy enters a bus and finds it full, so he stands in the center and holds one of those hangers to keep his stability. After the bus stops a few times, an old lady gets in. And because the bus is still full, she stands behind the young man, and puts her book about Feminism in her bag to be able to hold on to one of those hangers too. As time passes, The bus driver hits the brakes several times a minute for each stop, and each time the bus suddenly stops, the old woman bumps the man’s back (accidentally) and apologizes. The man kindly smiles and forgets, even though his back is hurt
..…(Why?)…. Because He’s a man, he should be “strong & masculine”, he should “take it like a man & bare till the end”, (…Include here other unequal/sexist ideologies for men.)
Of course, in such a situation, it’s definitely not favorable for that man, and more favorable to the old lady who doesn’t trip & fall with each sudden stop.
Now continue imagining this scenario:
Let’s say the old lady sat down, and then a beautiful young feminist entered the bus and stood in front of that man.
Now, the situational favoritism (or “sexism”) has turned. Let’s say the first time the bus suddenly stops, the man accidentally bumps the woman in front of him, and so, the feminist woman turns and all she sees is a man who just touched her from the back, SO SHE SLAPS HIM IN THE FACE, (thinking he’s harassing her, objectifying her, Or, the least, making her think she’s helpless & obedient..) In other words, Sexist..
Now, you and other people on the bus might find the fault here falls on the man’s part, while a few others would think that it falls on the woman’s..
However ……The true answer here is that it’s . . . Neither.
It’s neither’s fault because it was a situational misfortune that was more favorable to one sex over another.
Let’s continue our scenario one last time to explain a true feminist equality:
And let’s say that that man looked the other way with his red cheek pulsing with pain, and as he was looking outside, he found his stop home. So he took his bags and stood with a sad face in front of the bus door, (which was right in front of that young feminist woman who slapped him), and then, the bus suddenly stopped once more, This time making the woman jerk forward and bump the man’s hurt back. So, the man turns around and does the unspeakable after he sees her shirt that reads “Feminism = Equality”, So he SLAPS her in the face with the name of equality and walks out of the bus with a content smiley face.
Now that’s right there would have been true feminism, true equality in treatment between men and women. But personally, as a nice gentleman, I’d never do that in such a situation, and no man would ever do that in my opinion, and I don’t think that even women want that to happen to them, to be slapped in front of a full bus. It’s ridiculous to hear that a man slapped a woman because she bumped into him, Yet, it’s fairly common to hear that a woman slapped a guy for physically bumping-slash-”harassing” her. So that’s why it made me think that.. women want to be equal, but don’t want to treat or be treated truly equally..
Because here’s the thing, it’s the norm that nice men open doors, it’s the norm that they do what they do, even if it unintentionally creates situational sexism. That’s the norm.
What’s sad is that feminists don’t change anything about the norm and expect it to change by itself, expecting that equality will balance out to both sexes by itself without any force, hoping that just by keeping on throwing the word ‘sexism’ around the problem that it will (somehow) magically fix itself.
If you can’t see the faulty passivity of this action, then Think of that situation this way,
Let’s say there are two babies sitting in a room on the floor. The first baby crawls and opens the milk bottle to the second baby, the 2nd baby cries because he doesn’t want to seem weak, and wants to be the strong one and open the milk bottle himself!.. So he cries and call the 1st baby “a babyist!” (Which is a very bad word in the babies community). Anyway, a day after day, the naive baby keeps opening the milk bottle for the 2nd baby not knowing what he is crying about, “BECAUSE IT’S NOT ABOUT THE BOTTLE!”. And she continues to cry everyday for months & months a does nothing. And here’s what I think where the true problem is, The baby keeps crying and throwing bad words around without actually doing anything to change the situation.
Next time, if that baby want to feel the stronger baby, she should crawl and open her own bottle and go and open the first baby’s milk bottle.
Because equality sometimes must be taken, you can’t expect others to treat you equally without you treating yourself equally, around them; Just like you can’t be treated with respect if you don’t respect yourself. You must treat others with equality to feel equal. That’s the only way you’ll be able to change the norm of biased equality.
So, awesome feminists, my measage for you is to be less passive and more active. The next time you want feel equal, go and do (Be) equal! Go and open a door for a man, feel strong, be in charge, change the norm, Because calling each guy who takes in charge of a situation “a sexist” won’t change anything other than make others view you as a classic “bitch”..
Because that’s what the people would see, seriously..
Imagine if you’re sitting in a restaurant, and then you saw a man taking a chair slightly out from a table for a woman to sit, and this woman yells and calls him “a sexist!”. I think everyone in the dining room (including you) would think that she’s the utter definition of a Bitch.
“The fault with passive feminism and passive feminists is that they don’t change anything about the norm but merely rebuke men’s natural deeds solely for women’s own lack of actions & leadership.”
— That’s what’s wrong with passive feminism. ..
Next time, go and help a man out, don’t expect that equality will be handed to you, take it, because you’ll never be able to change an unequal situation by doing nothing & wrongly calling it sexism; Or even change all men by calling them sexists, …that will never happen; You’ll never be able to change all men to your preferred view of equality. The change must start within you ………….(why?)………. Because it’s easier to train a sheep, Than to Restrain a Pack of Wolves.
I’ll tell you how an ACTIVE feminist equality would play out in a real situation. And this actually happened to me in a university campus a few months ago:
Late for class, I started walking fast toward a building to be in time for a presentation that I must deliver in front of my peers, and this girl beside me was walking parallel to me in the same direction I was walking at. And as soon as I passed her, she hurried and opened the door for me with a smile on her face. I swear I completely forgot how anxious I was about the presentation I was going to deliver and smiled back as I walked pass her into the building, (I swear if I smiled more, my cheeks would’ve lifted my eyes to my forehead.) I was genuinely happy because I’m usually the one hurrying up to open the door for whoever is behind me. But this time, someone else opened the door for me, for the first time, a Girl.. I couldn’t help but smile at her as I walked through that door.
And as I passed her, I found yet another set of doors in front me, leading from the lobby to the main Hall . So this time, I opened the door for her and smiled, and she smiled back, revealing her teeth in a heartwarming smile as she walked into the building . . . .
We never said anything to each other, the only thing we exchanged is our smiles. Then we walked separately to our classes knowing that what happened was Equality at its best, we both opened the door, and no one felt vulnerable or weak or sexist.
“& We Lived Happily Ever After. . .”
THANKS FOR READING TILL THE END
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