ALONE WITH MY BOYS
“What ever was I thinking. I didn’t mean it when I said I’d take full responsibility, I sure wasn’t expecting Shola to leave me with them”
One of them looks at me and smiles. Did it just wink at me? Little devil. And why’s the other one just staring at the TV screen like it understands anything there. I still can’t get mum’s reaction out of my mind
**
“Oh Debo they look just like you. Look at them laugh, you’ve made me a proud granny Debo”
“It was never my intent mum, Shola just didn’t listen when I told her to use the pills”.
“Shut that horrible mouth of yours. See the sort of things you’re saying in front of them, you have no idea how strong their essence is. Be careful what you say around them”.
“Superstitions don’t work on me mum, the numerous curses dad laid on me while drunk is proof of that”.
Mum bit her index finger like she’s holding herself from placing her curse on me, “your father’s curses were never potent, the earth bears you witness protecting your mother”
“Well I hope she bears me witness with all these. How am I supposed to take care of them alone? What has Shola done to me, what was she thinking?”
**
Why’s the room so quiet?
The smiling one grabs at my thumb in an effort to drag my attention back to him. I wiggle my thumb free and it looks at me like it’s about to explode.
“Don’t even think about it, you have no idea how stressed I am now. You need love? Well so do I.”
I look around confused, trying to get my bearing. Why is everything happening so fast? She didn’t even leave a note, or any form of explanation.
I start mumbling inaudible words, and my voice quivers like I’m about to cry.
That was its cue. The once laughing one bursts out in tears with no warning whatsoever. I just stare at it with no idea what to do. And before I can get myself together, the second one joins in the choir rehearsal.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I just wasn’t prepared for all these alone”, I hear myself say and my voice is even more shaky now.
“None of this was my idea, none of it”
I reach down to pick one of it, but they both stretch their hands at me. I feel a pang of guilt. Of course they need love, I’m all they’ve got now. Why didn’t Shola wait a while longer?
I start crying. Little sobs turn giant wails.
With each one at my side, I sit on the bed blinded by my tears as I try looking at them while we cry in unison, then part into a perfect harmony. I soon discover I can hear only my voice crying, and when I look at them both, they just stare at me giggling.
“You really did make a fool of your dad, didn’t you?”
They laugh louder. I notice the smile, my mum was right, they did have my smile. I stare at their eyes and find an overwhelming feeling of recognition and grief fill me. I manage to take my eyes off theirs, but I soon find myself staring at them again.
That’s definitely Sholas eyes. I sigh.
“I love you boys, I really do”, I hug them tighter, “I’m sure mummy does too”
I look at my twin boys intently like I expect them to understand every word I’m saying.
“Don’t worry boys, you won’t have to miss her much, dad will be your mummy too. And when you’re ready, I’ll tell you the story of a brave woman who knew your lives were more precious than hers.”
