Combating Loneliness with Aging Adults

By Janice Pollard, Director of Marketing of Best Life Brands

There’s a face of caregiving that the average person doesn’t often think about — the power of companionship. In a caregiving industry that’s riddled with important checklists such as managing doctor’s appointments and prescriptions, assisting with basic needs of bathing and grooming, inheriting light housekeeping and meal prep, there’s still one hard-to-define need that must always be addressed: loneliness.

Barbara is a ComForCare caregiver in New York City. Here she recounts the close relationship she has formed with one of her clients:

I work with a lovely 92-year old senior, who is the widow of a rabbi. I am a commissioned cantor leading songs in the synagogue, so this created a bond between us almost instantly. Music is a huge part of our relationship. She sang for the GIs in World War II and we sing those pre-war songs together, from George Gershwin to Irving Berlin and so on.

That has led to a host of other interests we have in common. Recently we went to the Mount Vernon Museum and Garden, we visited the Frick Museum, the Jewish Museum and we have plans to go to the Tenement Museum. We went to the 92Y for a lecture about artists and Israel. I am always looking for exciting activities to do with her, that are reasonable in the time we have and don’t make her overtired. We recently decided on coffee at the fancy Carlyle Hotel, so off we went, enjoyed ourselves, and were driven back by the hotel chauffeur in their limousine!

But, being a senior companion is not always glamorous. I make sure the fridge is well-stocked and that my wonderful senior has what she needs. I recently helped her pack for a wedding. Because we are so close in our belief system and have the same values about pretty much everything, we took to each other like fish to water.

Kyle Budinscak, owner of ComForCare of New York City, understands the importance of social companionship in elderly people, which is why his location has taken a lead in matching his caregivers with clients who have similar interests, hobbies and personalities, just like Barbara and her client. Budinscak has recruited artists (nearly 30% of his caregivers are actors, artists, dancers or musicians), second or “encore” career seekers, gig economy workers and more to his business by providing them meaningful work in building relationships with seniors in New York City.

“When we opened ComForCare of NYC, we immediately wanted to provide something clients couldn’t find anywhere else and made a dedicated effort to place caregivers with clients who have shared interests,” says Kyle. “For example, another caregiver, Michael, comes from a medical family, and when matched with a client who was a former physician, they connected immediately. During their time together, they took trips to the Museum of Modern Art, Harlem Jazz Museum and the Museum of Natural History. It was a great match. I know she is receiving great care, but the countless activities they do together is just as important. Our approach to care values social engagement and meaningful experiences as much as any other element of support. If we can make people happier, as well as safer, at home, then we are really doing our job.”

One in Three Older Americans is Lonely

A 2018 AARP study found that one-third of people over age 45 experienced loneliness. And overlooking or missing it when it comes to caring for a loved one can create the most painful outcomes including a range of health issues.

“There is no sugar-coating the fact that aging can be tough. It can present challenges physically, emotionally and socially. The loss of short-term memory and language ability, for example, can significantly alter how someone relates to the world around them. The loss of mobility or of a social network can similarly impact life,” said Kyle. “The good news is that both research and common experience have shown we can be healthier and more fulfilled when we have connections to people and meaning.”

Reaching Out Can Make All the Difference

Here are a few ideas to help a senior you suspect might be lonely.

• Gathering Friends, Family and You: If visits from friends, family members or yourself have become sparse, schedule in the frequency. For example, share a weekly meal or go shopping together at the same time every month. Even watching a movie together or chatting can be uplifting. Encourage your loved one’s friends and other family members to do the same. If distance or busy schedules are issues, schedule specific times or days to call or video chat.
• Out and About: Limited mobility and transportation can hinder social activities, which can lead to isolation. Instead, offer to take a drive with your loved one or run errands with them. Simply getting outside the house can make a positive impact on a senior’s mood. If they have club meetings or get-togethers, drive them there and back so you can ask how it went, or set up an account with a ride-sharing company, such as Lyft or Uber to ensure they’re able to make it to these events without you.
• Not Home Alone: People who are newly living alone, such as empty nesters or widows/widowers, may need some company to ease the transition. Ask your loved one if they would be interested in having a pet; sometimes a furry friend is the answer. If they want human companionship, consider hiring a caregiver or companion. If they are interested in moving, look for independent living facilities or retirement communities, which house adults around the same age and offer planned mixers or activities for the residents. Another option for them: move in with a friend or family member.
• Branching Out: If your loved one has a small circle of friends and family, you should help them branch out and meet new people. There are senior centers, many of which offer more than just bingo and shuffleboard: fitness programs, enrichment classes or day trips. Smartphone app or websites, such as Meetup, help individuals find local groups or clubs to join that meet in person. If you and your loved one are looking for something virtual, Facebook Groups are a great way to meet people with similar interests. To participate, your loved one will need to create a Facebook profile.

“To support someone facing the challenges of aging, I believe we need to be both optimistic and realistic. We want to strive for a high quality of life that includes meaningful experiences such as seeing a great play or meeting up with a group of friends to share stories,” says Kyle. “At the same time, we need to make sure we respect where they stand. Choices need to be about what makes them feel good, not what we think will make them feel good.”

For Barbara and her client, they are well on their way to making more plans.

Says Barbara about her relationship to her client, “Her daughters are very appreciative and supportive of our great relationship. We have a lot of fun and we laugh a lot. It is the perfect recipe to stay active and avoid loneliness.”