A new day one


Yesterday I wrote you for the last time for the foreseeable future. I am bound to that promise and the promises contained within that email. Strangely enough, I currently feel a certain sense of calm about the whole matter. Perhaps it is because I now know precisely what I need to do. Thought processes and solutions are falling out of the sky in a way that hasn’t occurred previously. In the last 48 hours I have thought about us and myself constantly — not in a woe is me way but rather constructively. Why? Because it finally all made sense, I finally know what I must do. I’ve always known, but I have been completely lacking in motivation…until now…

There are some glaring differences between the two of us…but I have never seen that as an issue. The truth is I believe we are a lot more similar than we appear to be on paper, but that is a conversation to be had perhaps at some point down the road…

Initially when I sent you that letter I had no clue when we may speak again. Then I looked at the calendar, and it jumped right out at me. Barring you contacting me first, I know precisely when I will be contacting you. The current day versus the date I now have in mind was too perfect to not recognize as being right. I look forward to the process and the things I must do between here and there. I have a lot to prove to myself, as well as to you. I no longer shirk away from the process, but look forward to the end results…

You are definitely in my thoughts as I place one foot in front of the other. I am eagerly anticipating the day when I can prove to you that I have done the work you’ve asked me to do.

This is my journal. This is here for me, and for you to know that I am listening, that I have heard you. No longer will I lament, but instead I shall take the time I have in front of me to shake off old habits and practices that have dragged me down to become the man that you need me to be.

I love you, Sarah, and love is a powerful motivator. This is for me, as well as for you. You have inspired me — a feat that few have ever achieved…I have work to do, as do you. I will continue to post once again as my focus in posting has changed as well as my outlook on this situation. I will see you again soon enough…and that reunion will make all of this worth the effort…

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