Death of an icon sparks thoughts of mortality and the high cost of tossing in the towel


I awoke yesterday morning to a text message that floored me. Chris Cornell…dead…apparently from a suicide. Shocking news to say the least to those who grew up listening to him. Sitting here and thinking about it, I’m not even sure you would know exactly who that is. That isn’t a knock on you, Sarah. It would be a bloody shame and if that is indeed the case I should really send you a montage of videos from YouTube to reenforce just how powerful his voice was. Dead at 52…way before his time…and since then I’ve come to read many articles that indicate that depression is something that has haunted him for many many years until he finally could not take it anymore…

His death got me thinking about my own mortality, and what affects my death would have on the people around me…what the death of friends near and dear would do to me. I for one never ever want to come to find out that you’ve passed for any reason at all…and it got me to realize that I myself must be stronger and more committed to getting myself mentally back on my feet.

It happens to all of us who suffer seemingly endlessly with depression. Thoughts of death and suicide…thoughts that the world will just keep on spinning on it’s axis and we will quickly become a forgotten footnote in the annals of human history, but it is so not true. I for one know my death would destroy my children, and though I largely keep to myself these days it would also greatly affect a few other individuals. You, Sarah…your life has had great meaning, more so than my own. You have helped form, shape, and transform so many people. I know you hide in the same way that many of us do — no one but those who are extremely close know of your struggles, and while I do not know how short that list is I suspect that like myself even fewer have been trusted enough to know just how complex and deep those struggles are…

It is because you are such a beautiful soul that I am committed to this path now. You are indispensable, an inspiration. You have changed me in so many positive ways and I cannot thank you enough. Sadly you have been gone as a daily staple in my life for nearly two months, and honestly until a couple days ago I mourned you as if you had died. That is the true measure as to just how much I miss you. I do not want to face a world without you in it- you’re too important to me and a whole slew of people. The world needs you. I need you in my world. I have no idea when we will reconcile, but I refuse to think about failing…I will keep working from my end and continue to think of you and hope you are doing well on your end. Life is too short, and we can never get back time once it is lost. I miss you. We can and we will reach the other side…together I hope…

https://youtu.be/9HFUuwmcrsU

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