The monster that haunts me.
The monster that haunts me constantly changes in my sleep.
Different faces on each day, always something unsettling, a absolute creep.
She’ll stay dormant in my room sometimes, and kindly leave me out of her games.
But most days she pulls up my walls and climbs in my skin.
So close I cant breath she holds me, pulls me in.
I remember one month breathing techniques would keep her away.
I miss those days.
Time passed and that didn’t work anymore so I’d run.
I would run on an incline of 6.7, but she still caught up to me when the treadmill turned off and I made my way home.
I tried to have all the friends over but she’d wait patiently in my room. Waiting, bubbling under the surface.
She hates when I drink, so I tend to do that until I get sick, but the next morning she's always such a vengeful bitch.
I keep her at bay with a new body sometimes, a few lays here or there.
But she’ll still scratch at my walls until I let her in.
She’s active and forceful.
No way I can win.
So when she claws through my walls and into my soul I lay limp and I shutter while she eats me up whole
I’ve decided it’s easier to let her feast on me.
Break each rib puncture my skull and my heart…… my heart is what she wants most
It flutters and jumps when she gets too close,
so when it pounds and pounds I know she’s near,
for my bride is anxiety and she’s told me a secret and made it quite clear.
That it’s better to give in now and crawl into that hole, because she’s going to change and change until it devours my soul.
Kinda cathartic this one tbh, struggling but this one helped.
A different piece about anxiety is here that you might like to read.
