5 Things About My Wife & Mobile Gaming
By James Lott
! Quick Note: My wife is awesome, and this post is in no way a diss on her. I love her and her mobile gaming.
Let’s get something straight. My wife can straight wear out some mobile gaming. The amount that I play any game across any console is minuscule in comparison.
Is it because she is just a gamer at heart? No. You will never see her with an Xbox controller in hand unless she is scrolling to Netflix to watch Grey’s Anatomy.
With this in mind, I thought it would be funny to share 5observations about my wife and mobile gaming. This list is by no means exhaustive. It would take quite a long time to do that.
1. Don’t interrupt a game of Criminal Case.
I thought I would be funny one time and swipe my hand over the screen quickly while she was trying to “solve a case.” Little did I know that I would receive the quickest blow to my head that I have ever experienced. Unless you have a willingness for a shorter lifespan, keep your hands away during these crucial moments.
2. If your significant other enjoys mobile gaming you will spend money on a game.
Don’t like it? Too bad. It is the way of life. As soon as her game (village, dragons, and whatever else she is delicately nursing to life) gets to a need for more food, gems, or power-ups, MONEY WILL BE SPENT. I’m lucky on this one though. My wife doesn’t spend too much on games anymore! (*knocks on wood*)
3. Buying skins on League of Legends is not the same thing as buying energy to continue a mobile game.
*Gently consoles reader*
Ok. Now that your tears are done, let me explain something to you…
That Dunkmaster Darius skin means nothing compared to her completing that Candy Crush level. The skin that will grace your character into battle for hours on end is a “waste of money.” Get used to it, young grasshopper. Besides, completing one more level of Candy Crush will satisfy the soul of your soulmate! (See what I did there?)
4. Starting from scratch on a game you’ve played a ton is “stupid.”
Did your phone take a bath? How about meet the teeth of your dog? Maybe you just upgraded? Don’t you DARE think about restarting your game of Dragonvale. It would be a complete waste of time.
My beautiful wife played Dragonvale for months on end. She had TONS of dragons. She had an impressive amount of time put into that game. She then upgraded her phone and lost it all.
Logically, I suggested that she start from scratch. After she stared at me with bewilderment, she informed me of my flaw in logic. I guess that game wasn’t that good overall, because starting over would just be “stupid” when she already had so many dragons before. Makes me glad I didn’t have that attitude with Clash of Clans! (TH lvl 9!)
5. DON’T EVER DELETE A MOBILE GAME THAT YOU ARE PLAYING IF YOU ARE ABOUT TO BEAT THE GAME.
Ok. Take a seat, it is story time.
Once upon a time there was a handsome fellow named Lames Jott. He was playing a game called Platypus Evolution. You combine the Platypi (plural for Platypus. Fight me) to make bigger and bigger Platypi. I had created every single Platypus in the game, but the final one.
Real talk, I got bored. You can only combine so many Platypi before your brain melts to mush. I decided to delete the game. Didn’t think anything of it.
I almost slept on the couch that night. This is IMPORTANT stuff. Don’t just delete the game because you are bored. This is war and you are waving your white flag. How could you do that? Why would you do that? What has gotten into you?
Word of advice. Keep the game. Relationship saved. You’re welcome.