The fascination of what’s difficult
Letter to my younger self
Chère Christelle Nadia Fotso
I don’t have many pictures of us. It is as though not to die of heartbreak and to forget a monstrous childhood, as our parents, our siblings and so many others, I need to avoid looking at you, this little girl who is laughing with her mouth wide open even though her life is already incredibly tough. But she isn’t yet angry or sad. She is joyful because the difficult not only attracts her, it fascinates her…How unbelievably tough, it is to look at us at 7, an age where some lucky American kids with disabilities get to go to Camp Shriver. It’s gut wrenching to see you smile, laugh, holding your head and your right leg up, high to hide intuitively its gross malformation as you have been taught to do by your father’s absence, your mother’s shame and denial, and your siblings’s indifference. Their denial and their need to blame you and to shame you for what you are not, for what you can’t do will later almost annihilate us, but for now, you are above it all, life is already a challenge, but you love challenges, showing that you can do anything as well as anyone. At that age, most kids want to be normal and to fit in. You want it even more, but will later understand that since it is impossible, the next best thing is to be great. That leg held up high shows the burden that you feel for being…
