Entrepreneurs may be rockstars but their partners are saints

In a time of web summits and start-up incubators and really a whole lot of noise around the entrepreneurial scene, I thought perhaps someone should give voice to the people in the background…. The partners behind the entrepreneurs whose start-ups actually did become really successful.

I’m one of those people. A wife of a super successful, serial entrepreneur whom I love with all my heart.

I’m not sure how many times during a normal day I think he’s a douche-bag although there are definitely days I don’t think it at all.

You see as the partner of an entrepreneur you never come first. They may tell you, you do. They may even think you do. But, you don’t. We’re not a rare species. In fact we’re growing in numbers the sexier entrepreneurship gets. However our lives aren’t sexy, in fact they feel rather lonely, difficult and unpredictable on a daily basis.

One may ask “why did you choose such a life?” Truthfully, the answer is that we/I didn’t. It’s just that the honeymoon period is A LOT shorter for entrepreneurs and you go into the relationship not knowing this.

So why stick around, what’s pleasant about being lonely? Nothing. But you can’t stand seeing the one you love unhappy so you nourish and nourish and nourish them the only way you can, until you’re completely depleted and miserable. Eventually (probably on the verge of a nervous breakdown) you try as best you can to communicate these awkward feelings through tears and at this stage, over-whelming emotion!

Entrepreneurs, being articulate f**kers, are well able to talk their way through the conversation quite quickly, leaving you wishing something you said sank in.

You take a massive deep breath and go to bed that night full of hope. You wake up at 6:40am in an empty bed (he’s always out of it at least an hour before you) and you feel happy. You go into the day happily until evening falls and you’ve no idea what time they’re coming home. You so want their company, particularly if you’ve had a bad day but ultimately you’re planning what to make for dinner which will keep well until late that night, possibly until the next day.

Weekends are all about routine and few hours are spent away from the screen. You organize date nights, you try to keep your home a comfortable space and you try to keep you guys social. And the more you fall into this routine dominated by the entrepreneur the more you resent you both.

However you reason things out because you love them. You make allowances for their lack of emotional support. You understand the difficulties around time management and endless lists. You forgive them almost pushing you into a bin because they were so caught up in talking to someone that their movements knocked you over (true story).

The unfortunate reality of bad sleep because your waking and sleeping hours are so different is a pain in the bum. A holiday that doesn’t involve a conference call or endless screen time feels like an erotic fantasy. You only ever talk about the big stuff and the boring household stuff because in the short intervals you have with one another this shit needs to get sorted.

Of course it’s not all grim. But it’s a bloody hard life I would advise any person marrying an entrepreneur to think about. You very quickly realize you need to completely depend on yourself for the state of your happiness and go set up your own company!