Dissociation.

Some days I’m just trying to be present. Present fully in my mind.

Finding the balance between compartmentalization of the painful things and being present for the beautiful things.

Sometimes I’m trying to be present in my awareness of my full body, while still allowing my body to complete it’s involuntary movements and actions without my knowledge.

Life is a mix of being present consciously and being present subconsciously.

When things go well I have had to learn how to be present and “not fogged up in my mind” for these experiences. I spent so many years building up a protective fog in my mind, but sometimes it’s sunny out and the fog still just won’t go away.

Today is one of those days where I think I found the perfect balance. A lot of great things are happening to me in conjunction with some semi negative changes. I find myself walking around furrowing my brow, just trying to see through the slowly, very slowly evaporating fog. Ironically it is a foggy morning, that doesn’t help me minimize the brain fog. Silly visual stimulus.

And then the refreshing breeze rushes around me, and opens up my eyes.