You’re fortunate to be able to give the people you left behind any love at all. I was married once, I waited until I was 2 months short of 30 to make the huge mistake. There is not another human being on this Earth that I hate more than my only ex-wife. Due to the experience, I will never marry again, nor have any feelings about her that are positive or affirming in any way. I was stupid enough to reproduce with her & she managed to make my visitation supervised with the Courts when we divorced, so I've not seen kids I’d helped create & have financially supported from day one for ten years this December. I give you credit for not allowing your relationships to become a hated exercise in how to have brought the most ruin into your life. That is all I had, and I don’t want any more — so I’ll stay alone, it’s safe. I don’t need more depression or grief, and it’s far easier to never, ever love or care again.