Thou Shalt Always Killstreak
Thou shalt not clone an indie game.
Thou shalt not worship god games or free-to-play profits.
Thou shalt not take the names of Gabe Newell, Hideo Kojima, Tim Schafer, Shigeru Miyamoto, Peter Molyneux, Eugene Jarvis or Rami Ishmail in vain.
Thou shalt not think any woman that plays video games is a faker who’s doing it for attention. Some people just like games.
Thou shalt not read Edge.
Thou shalt not stop liking a game series just because it’s become popular.
Thou shalt not question Steam Spy.
Thou shalt not judge a game by its screenshots.
Thou shalt not judge first person shooters by Superhot.
Thou shalt not buy Mountain Dew products.
Thou shalt not buy Atari products.
Thou shalt not use alpha and mix up pixel densities in your “8 bit” game.
Thou shalt not tell developers not to crunch while crunching yourself.
Thou shalt not write Gamasutra articles with no real content to try to sound smart. Especially about Greenlight.
Thou shalt not watch the Video Game Awards.
Thou shalt not use a hashtag to promote your own shitty little game without retweeting some other cool stuff from it you self-righteous prick.
Thou shalt not return to the same game series year in, year out just ’cause it was fun when you were a kid and you’re never gonna get that fucking feeling back.
Thou shalt not put game developers and companies on ridiculous pedestals no matter how great they are or were.
Sensible Software: Were just a dev.
Valve: Just a dev.
Kojima Productions: Just a dev.
Bethesda: Just a dev.
Nintendo: Just a dev.
Bitmap Brothers: Just a dev.
Vlambeer: Just a dev.
Blizzard: Just a dev.
Bungie: Just a dev.
Rockstar: Just a dev.
Naughty Dog: Just a dev.
id: Just a dev.
Bioware: Just a dev.
Capcom: Just a dev.
From Software: Just a dev.
The next big thing… Just a dev.
Thou shalt give equal worth to games developed in non-English speaking countries as those that are made in English speaking countries.
Thou shalt remember that downloadable content, in-app purchases and always online were never part of the four elements and never will be.
Thou shalt not make repetitive generic games, thou shalt not make repetitive generic games, thou shalt not make repetitive generic games, thou shalt not make repetitive generic games.
Thou shalt not need for speed.
Thou shalt not add me to your professional network on LinkedIn.
Thou shalt not like and subscribe below, guys.
Thou shalt not send me 5,000 Steam keys to distribute to my giveaway group.
When I say “gg” thou shalt not say “fag”.
When I say “bug” thou shalt not say “waive”.
When I say, he say, she say, we say, day 1 patch — kill me.
Ah, I forgot where I was, hang on.
Thou shalt not pre-order now to unlock exclusive weapons.
Thou shalt not spend 10 gold to complete construction now.
Thou shalt not download the companion app to unlock bonus areas.
Thou shalt understand that reviews are just the subjective opinions of the reviewer and not get upset, no matter how low the score.
Thou shalt not express shock that the released game has had some features cut and doesn’t look as good as the target renders.
Thou shalt think for yourselves.
And thou shalt always…
Thou shalt always killstreak.
(If you’ve never heard the Dan Le Sac Vs Scroobius Pip original Thou Shalt Always Kill you should go and get it in your ears right now because it’s a lot better and smarter than mine. It isn’t about video games, for one thing.)