Can We Stop With “We Ran On Repeal And Replace” — Just Stop It!

Late June, 2017. The vote on the US Senate’s version of “Repeal and Replace Obamacare” just got postponed. Now, this law, which apparently very few people want (17% ), is claimed by the majority party to be the fulfillment of a campaign promise. And we know this because they keep saying so. “Well, this is just a campaign promise. We SAID we would Repeal and Replace it. And dad gummit, that’s what we’re going to do. Repeal and Replace Obamacare. Read my lips. We have to, because we said we would! This is why we got elected.”

Not so fast.

My own little senator Marco of Rubio said it in Washington yesterday. Mitch McConnell, senate majority leader, says it every day like clockwork. My state governor, Rick Scott, said it just the other day while he was sitting next to Marco. Every Republican member of the House said it.

And, well, they all did actually SAY that (or words to that effect,) but that’s not really what anybody voted for. BECAUSE REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES NEVER, EVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT THE REPLACEMENT.


If you didn’t say that you were going to replace it with SOMETHING, and if you didn’t tell us what the something was until you got elected, than that’s not really what people voted for, is it? We’re not idiots!

Presdident (sic) Trump said it would be replaced with something fantastic. It would be great. It would be cheaper. It would cover more people. Fantastic; Great; Cheaper; More — those are adjectives. They don’t say what the thing is. And I’m going to give every Republican a little snark-free credit here, because even if you voted for that concept, you were going to see what the “what” was, right? Democrats and Republicans have got to be the same that way.

Here’s my little thought experiment. I have a room with 100 people. 50 ruby red Republicans with hats and everything. And 50 Democrats all with a Prius parked outside. So here we go.

You get to vote on Repealing and Replacing your car.

Your car is a 25 year old beater, with a bashed in grill. It pulls to the left a bit, and it needs new tires.

OK. But it still gets you to work every day. And you still need it to take grandma shopping on weekends. And it works — for better or worse. Are you going to blindly decide to replace it? With what?

A Sherman Tank? Nope, can’t park it on the street.

A horse drawn carriage? Well, the mileage will be great, but there’s all the perpetual clean up. An elephant? Love’em, but it won’t fit in your garage. You don’t want to replace it with any of those things. And even if I tell you that a Sherman Tank is Fantastic, and a horse is Great AND Cheaper, and an elephant is definitely, well, More. You are not going to do the deal. No repeal and replace. You will lose 100–0. There is no art in that deal.

Unless you SHOW me the replace part, I’m really not going to go for it, am I? No matter what color hat I’m wearing.

How about your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/significant other? Repeal and Replace? Well, they’re too tall/small/skinny/fat. And they should be older/younger. And nicer/kinder/tougher or more/less money-oriented. You pick it. On the other hand, you know them. You’re used to them. And they smell OK — most of the time. And as far as you know, you don’t have an ax murderer or anything in your bed at night.

Replace? Maybe, but with WHAT? An actual ax murderer? An obese, giant, pus-covered, belching, highly flatulent, troll that has never bathed ever.

No. No replacement?

You’re gonna lose 100–0.

Anyway, we don’t do the deal without seeing the replacement. No-one does.

Sure, give me a new Ferrarri (paid off, with a service plan, and free gas) or give me a beautiful, loving, caring, funny, life-partnerish, perfect-match of a significant other. OK. Now we’re talking.

But since you (and I’m talking to every Republican who EVER yelled “Repeal and Replace” without saying anything about the Replace) — since you never talked about “replace with what?” , then nobody really, really voted for the replacement — BECAUSE WE DIDN’T KNOW WHAT IT WAS!

If you had said, OK, I’m replacing your daily peanut butter and jelly lunch with a true dog shit sandwich on rye. Seriously, it’s dog shit. You have to eat it every day, or don’t eat. If you had said I’m Repealing lunch and Replacing it with THAT? No, you would not have gotten the votes. I’m no healthcare expert, but a LOT of people, Republicans and Democrats alike, think this new bill is dog shit on rye.

So, for the love of all that is holy, will you please stop saying “ . . . but we promised!!!” Because you didn’t promise anything. And NOBODY, NO — — BODY, voted for the shit sandwich. So stop telling us that. Just STOP !!!