Love & Loved
Monday March 30th 2015 12:38am
For a second I realized that as I was writing this post I had to second guess what year it was.. clearly my mind is still stuck in the 2014 gutter… But no bother! This life is absolutely too brief to constantly look backwards, however these days I find myself racing so fast that I am unable to even keep up with myself. Hence, the result of me not being able to collect my thoughts/feelings to thoroughly eternalize it on the interwebz. I had forgotten how therapeutic writing is…
Here’s a thought that’s been on my mind these days on the topic of love. Only because I’ve been privileged to acquire this not so new concept of love, I’ve discovered so many foreign and confusing realizations that I absolutely could not hide from. So I wish to share my two cents!
Love is a lot of things but I realized something that love absolutely is not, and that is entitlement. When I say this I think I mean to say that regardless of how close you are to a persons heart, or have the desire of winning over their heart, we are only as close to the flesh and bones that separate us from it. We will never have any control or ownership of this persons heart, or their lives at that. And we have to stop thinking like we do.
I know for myself I would be placed in a situation where If I love and cherish an individual/friendship/significant other, I’d wish for them to be close to me in every aspect. However it came to the point where I was constantly in fear of the people I cared for most not returning those feelings. I would be stuck in a unrealistic cycle of unmatched expectations and relentless disappointment, and from there would make terrible assumptions that people were merely uninterested in becoming emotionally intimate with me. I had given up on mere faith and trust in people. However what had helped me to realize otherwise was the fact that people are only capable of giving love by the way they understand how to give love AND that only God’s love is perfect in understanding and surpasses all expectations.
I think in realizing that as humans our brokenness and our pride will hinder us from being able to love and take people on to the fullest. I believe thats why I was unable to love more extravagantly because I was not understanding and accepting people for the way they were designed, for their character/baggage/stuggles/ and all. It seemed pretty conditional. But I really think that God helped me to understand more that love has no cap, nor a gage. It has no limit, because God’s love for us is limitless and infinite.
Ultimately I try not to have too many expectations for people, not because I have no faith in them reciprocating, but rather I have faith that our God is a God that will love us through people as well as not through people but in everything else He gives us in this short life, does that make sense? In expecting less our hearts will gratefully receive more and we can find thanks in the smaller details presented to us. So in the end if love were to be sent back to us, we’d have to be quite aware and perceptive about it, Otherwise we may over look the acts of love that weren’t recognized or acknowledged. I really do believe that love is definitely a pursuit and not merely an arbitrary choice. As for myself I constantly struggle with feeling insecure and inferior a lot of times but at the end of the day we choose to love others because we feel God’s love first, without any conditions. And that is untranslatable with even an infinite amount of words, actions and gifts.
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.” -1John 4:18–19