It’s not you , it’s me .I’m not good at relationships; therefore,I always manage to find the flaws ,foretell the ending and creat a cause . Either I leave or I make them leave. I end up alone and consider it nothing but saving myself because deep inside , I know that they’re all leaving anyway and none of them are the ones they promise to be …it’s ironic how I complain or even cry myself to sleep after destroying every single relationship I’m involved in .
It’s sad and confusing , having so many thoughts and mixed feelings about the past , the present and the future …A part of me is thankful for the plenty experiences, the kisses, the hugs , the talks,the magic of sharing ,that part of me is full of hope, gratitude and appreciation . The other part is living with regret ,pain and shame, according to that part , it was all a waste of time. Surviving requires balance between those two parts . Unfortunately balance is something I lost ages ago .
We started from being strangers , to speaking daily,picking nicknames to each other and God how much I loved when you called me babe . We lived in an imaginary world , overthinking about the fantasy of fate ,but when the seasons began to change , nicknames were gone , so did the sweet talk and the only time you speak is a text to say “Hey”, your texts are no longer making me smile …Cold fire .
In every relationship I had , whether it was a friendship or more ,there was a killer . His name wasn’t distance but SILENCE . Silence was cruel, it made everything fade away painfully. Silence turned love to hate and hugs to formal handshakes . Silence has a mate named EGO , and together they have controlled our mind so every time you and I were online , Ego convinced us to keep silent .
Ego and silence made us remain strangers as we started …