A Modern Jane In a Wonderland

Everyone, or at least ALMOST everyone, knows the story of Alice in Wonderland. There are many versions of the story, like many other stories, but one thing remains to be true to every version. Alice is unique and doesn’t quite fit in with the world around her. She loses herself and then finds herself, experiencing the best adventures along the way. I can identify with her so much because I quite often wonder what the hell I am doing here.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the feeling of being alive; it is a gift taken for granted. But what do you do when you feel like you’re standing still in a world that is spinning endlessly around you? With all of the engagements, the wedding announcements, the parties, the double dates, the families, the moves, the new houses, the new jobs, new states. And then it’s just…you. You’re left with your own devices, to create a world that you can feel strong in, one that you can fit in. That is when you start learning how to be comfortable with being alone, being your own best friend and your own company, even your own misery. And this is when another favorite book of mine fits in here.

Many people don’t know about Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre. I was assigned to read it in high school (I’m 24, you can do the math) and I fell in love with the book. I have fallen in love with many of Bronte’s stories, but Jane Eyre is the closest to my heart. Jane is an orphan who grows up to be a governess and ends up falling in love with the ‘beast’ if you will, Mr. Rochester. She is so strong, so independent, her heart is so fierce. All in the midst of learning how to live, she finds herself.

Now I have yet to find a Mr. Rochester of my own ( I am secretly hoping to find a Mr. Darcy of my own) or a better man, but I was an orphan. And most of my life, I felt very alone. I was born in Latvia, Europe right about when Latvia just gained their independence from the Soviet Union and was taken to an orphanage where I spent the first four years of my life in. When I was four, I was adopted by an amazing American couple and was brought back to the U.S. to start my new life. But it wasn’t all roses; there were many thorns in the bushes.

Growing up wasn’t easy, teaching myself how to grow up wasn’t easy. Nothing great is ever easy. I have experience with being alone, feeling alone, being okay with being alone. If you are someone who feels like no one can understand you, or you are adopted as well and feel like no one could absolutely walk in your shoes….I welcome you to my page. This is about my life, my journey, everything complicated and crazy and everything in between.