King James: The Man With The Iron Crown

December 30, 1984. LeBron Raymone James was born in Summa Akron City Hospital in Akron, Ohio. LeBron was born to Anthony McClelland and Gloria Marie James. Once King James graced this planet with his presence, doctors and nurses alike flooded to the delivery room to catch a glimpse of the astonishing 80-inch small forward baby with his headband of pure Egyptian cotton.

All of this is obviously speculation. More an educated guess, if anything.

However, just 4-years later Wardell and Sonya Curry gave birth to Wardell Stephen Curry II — in the same hospital. Once the baby-face assassin shot his way from 40-feet deep into the nursery room, the medical staff quickly forgot about the stories of the King and honored Steph with the now famous “three-finger” salute.

And this was just the beginning of LeBron and Curry’s version of The Man in The Iron Mask storyline. LeBron being the baby born into royalty and Curry being discovered by the three musketeers to save the kingdom — the NBA.

Oh LeBron, how you used to be on top. Crowds full of NBA superstars and celebrities alike used to watch you play in high school as a freshman. Your games were televised — other high schools usually don’t even have people in the stands. You’ve been a rockstar since you started puberty. And now, the eyes are not only on you anymore. It’s almost poetic justice.

In 2010, LeBron decided to make a whole big scene — which involved a bunch of LeBron James jersey burning parties — about taking his talents to Miami. This created “The Big Three” consisting of Dwayne Wade, Chris Bosh (from the Toronto Raptors) & the King himself. Grabbing two titles in just four years, LeBron then made another big scene about leaving the Miami dynasty and going back home to “get one for the Land”.

We all know no championship is going to Cleveland, ever. It’s like Cleveland uses Google Maps to get to a championship and the route keeps leading them wrong. If you have a valid argument for either the Indians, Browns, or Cavs, I’ll listen — until then, the Land will be in a drought of trophies until Denzel Washington brings the “let’s play like a team” Bible to the nearest Cleveland library.

And now, in the NBA’s greatest time of need, Stephen Curry and the Golden State Warriors gave the NBA not just relevance within American sports, but actual excitement within an 82-game season. Leaving King James to look at his staff for an answer.

That answer came in the form of social media marketing. LeBron has been all over the internet with crazy Instagram posts and even crazier interviews. The sudden “Kanye”-esque attitude has only brought negative attention to the superstar.

We all can see LeBron is starving for attention like the male version of Amanda Bynes.

He’s plainly cried out for another starting five, even though his team is atop the Eastern Conference. He’s even posted half-naked workout videos trying to boast his work-ethic — completely unnecessary, you’re a professional athlete. If I ever feel like I’m working out more than you, I wouldn’t be watching you play, I’d be playing with you.

These screams for attention are just killing your already tainted image. We all accepted why you decided to leave Cleveland to go to Miami, but we’re still trying to figure out why you decided to go back to Cleveland. It couldn’t have been the amazing Cleveland weather and nightlife, so you asking for another team, sort of sounds like you’re planning on moving again.

Here’s a tip from a fan who never really liked you…

Shut up.

You’re becoming the villain of the league. No one wanted to see you become the next Michael Jordan and we certainly don’t want to see you create an All-Star team in Cleveland. Be a legend and win a championship the right way. Stay on one team and develop that team to become a well-oiled machine. Stop trying to go through your phonebook to see who else would want to pass you the ball. All these shenanigans are just making you seem like a big, big-foreheaded, cry baby. And no King should cry unless they’re in Sacramento.

Turn your internet off LeBron. Just keep playing and maybe soon your kingdom will be behind you again.