“I’m Not Hearbroken Or Anything”

From Fukette.com

I recently had the pleasure of speaking with Felicia Neysia Garcia, a good friend of mine who refuses to be judged solely on this photo alone, about her recent dalliance with failure. This just happens to be in the form of dropping someone whom she thought had great potential for something more. After emphasizing that that’s how I felt about Will Smith’s last two movies but eventually had to walk away no matter how painful, Felicia decided to tell me her thoughts on the subject.

Felicia: “ I recently gave up on what I discovered was a Fuckboy “

*proceeds to do the Harlem Shake*

Me: “You, uh, you do know you just did the Harlem Shake While talking about Fuckboys? Is that like the dance of their people?

I mean, I’m not heartbroken or anything, but I’m definitely a little jaded in that department.

What would you say motivated you to give up? Or at least walk away from that situation for the moment?

I just value my time and the older I get the more I realize that if you don’t have time for me I don’t have time for you. Its like, bye!

Just “Bye”?

You gotta snap your head to the side when you say it, though. Like Kim Kardashian when she sends a salad back at a restaurant. You gotta look smug.

Oh shit, okay. I can do that next time I plan a date with someone from Black People Meet again and they don’t match up with their pictures. Aside from that, what drew you to this person?

These people tend to be in denial of the douchebaggery they possess. They can come across as your dream husband.

So you’re saying they can be deceptive?

Yes, Deceptive

Decepticon deceptive? Like their deception is more than meets the eye?

I don’t get that.

Moving on.

Yeah, they can be intelligent, sweet talkers, good in bed, hot, and very up to date on feminist issues. Which is important to me. But they’re flaky-

Wait, FuckBoys can be really good in bed? I always assumed they had the sexual prowess of a 2015 Bill Cosby without the Roofie assist.

They can be VERY good in bed,yeah. However, they don’t call your ass for a month then turn around and say “why didn’t you call/text? Blah blah blah.” Point is, to be a true FuckBoy, you’ve gotta be intelligent. You have to know how to manipulate people.

Not gonna lie, I wouldn’t have said that. I thought the sole prerequisite was taking selfies in the McDonald’s drive thru and sneaking Moscato into the movies. Go figure.

Go Figure.


Originally published at fukette.com.

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