Learning to live again
Truth is, you fucked me up. I fell in love with you and when you decided it wasn’t for you, you left me to fall apart.
You ran away and all that I have left is this overwhelming hate for myself.
I always let myself fall for guys that aren’t right for me. My problems is that I care too much. I always have, and now the only solution I have left is to no longer trust anyone.
How can I?
I opened up to you in a way that I never had before. I let you see all of me, and when it was all said and all my stories were told. You walked away. Told me that you couldn’t love me.
I’ve been loved for the way I look before. That’s all anyone seems interested in and it seems like that is all anyone ever will be.
I am not being pessimistic, I’m being realistic.
I’m a logical thinker. Feelings and emotions have never been something I have given much thought to, but you told me to open up to them. To allow myself to feel, and when those feelings were directed towards you, I had never felt anything more strong.
I could never hate you. You did nothing wrong.
This is all on me. 100% of who I am is unlovable, and you have proven that.
I am not bitter, I do not hate you, I do not wish to forget.
I have just come to realize that in order for me to be the person I want to become, I will have to travel this journey alone. Everyday I am becoming more comfortable with the idea. I can own my own home and I can raise a child on my own. Start a life for myself.
I will pour all my energy into making that dream of mine a reality. I will pour all the love I have left into those things. I do not need a person to make me happy. I do not need to share this life with anyone. People will always be there for me, until they’re not.