The Expat Spouse- The travels and trials.
Expatriate (expat) — In the modern corporate world, this means someone who is living outside of their native country. These are usually executives and other professionals who accept to move across the world for career opportunities.
The silent, nomadic journey of an expat spouse.
It appears shiny, glamorous even. I agree there are definitely many perks, but people seldom mention the trials, the adjustments, the difficulties, and above all the sheer loneliness of this life.
Married to someone with a job that takes them across the world, sounds very adventurous and exciting. It is all of that and much more. Experiencing and living in different parts of the world, interacting with the people, absorbing their culture are all extremely enriching.
We have been called ‘jet-setters’, ‘globetrotters’, and many other decorative adjectives. I agree the travel and the exposure has been exhilarating, but it does take a toll.
This toll is mostly invisible.
I am here to write an account, tell my story. This story of ups and downs, laughter and tears, wins and losses, is also a story of success and sacrifice.
One might ask why sacrifice? How is traveling around the world, living in exotic places, and enjoying an expat life anything of a sacrifice?
I guess it falls through the cracks or fades in comparison to the bigger picture. But behind every successful international expat executive role, behind every CEO/VP, and all the other corporate power roles I am forgetting right now, there is a partner.
Silent, active, present, adjusting, following, supporting.
I am one of those. I am the wife of such an amazing, successful, intelligent, hardworking man. He has achieved amazing career goals so far and continues to do so.
I couldn’t be any prouder.
Being his partner, the mother of our daughter has been a very enriching experience for me.
Indeed I had to give up many things and don't get me wrong, I know no one forced me to. It was inevitable though. The only way an expat career can flourish is when one partner volunteers to give up their career and be the silent manager in the background.
It is a mammoth task, moving countries with children, pets, and much more. Settling them into their new schools, making sure the husband has a smooth transition into his workplace by trying to keep the homefront as stress-free as possible.
I have failed in doing the ‘stressfree’ part sometimes, but we are all only human.
It’s difficult, giving up the entire prospect of having any career at all.
For almost two decades now, I have served the role of the expat spouse. The wife, the partner, the mother. There has been appreciation for the effort I make, but somewhere the regret remains.
The absence of an individual existence takes a toll, it slowly chips away. As the kids grow and the husband gets busier, I have more time.
So here I am, trying to restart my career. Add value to my life, trying not to let this turn into a full-blown existential crisis again. There have been times when it happened before but it all slips into the cracks, overshadowed by some enormous impending international move, or some family crisis.
Restarting, rebuilding a career after such a long gap is extremely intimidating. And there is not much help out there for people like me. I know I am not alone, there are many like me.
The taboo of hiring middle-aged beginners & moms who want to come back to work needs to be let go. There has to be a way for someone who is ready to work hard, learn and has the mental and physical ability to fulfill the demands of roles out there to get a foot in the door.
There is also the unsaid pressure of trying not to get it wrong in a way that hampers the existing working partner’s image.
Mom’s going back to work have pressure from multiple sides already. There is the in-law's side, her parental side, the children's expectations, and the husband’s work and social image to be managed.
We still try, persevere, and hope. I know many of you out there are probably reading and nodding in agreement. It would be easy to give up and stop trying, just be complacent in this passive role.
I want more though, I have hope and I am relentless.
I hope the corporate world will see us in the light, and give us a chance to rebuild, relearn and rise again.
Thank you for reading. There will be more of my stories here soon. How will I pick what I write about? Well, I have varied interests. Marketing, Tech, Design, Art are some of them. I will also write about life and my experiences around the world. Some humor, some satire, some facts.
Stay tuned to my page for some more interesting reads.
Are any of you expats as well? Do share your views and experiences in the comments. I look forward to opening a discussion about this.
Moms out there, struggling to get back on the corporate bandwagon. Please do comment, we need to form a tribe and support each other while we continue our journey.
Thank you, everyone.
