Experiencing the Holy Spirit
“Holy Spirit! Please guide my decisions. I can’t seem to get my bearings with precision. It’s like self motivation is my religion. No preparation. I still moving according to my feelings. No doubt….” Wait!! That’s a song I’ve written. I’m not about to deliver prematurely 😛. Y’all can wait for the day it comes out. Could be or not soon. Haha!
Anyway, I totally forgot what I’d decided to write about when I thought I should start my next blog post with the lines quoted above . Procrastination is such a b…ad thing (Haha! Not what you thought I was going to say, huh!). I should have just written my thoughts down right away. I’m going to try anyway.
Let me start off from how it all started and hopefully I’ll pick it up along the way…or let’s see where the Holy Spirit leads :) Last week was a powerful week for me and most of my church members. There were evening rallies from Monday to Thursday, and they were led by a guest pastor who’s nothing short of anointed by the Holy Spirit. It had been sort of a dry season and I was sensing…NO!!! I knew I needed a revival in my spirit. Since the end of last year, I knew I needed to get to know and have more communion with the Holy Spirit more, learn to hear and discern His voice, learn to open up fully to Him, learn to experience Him.
Fast forward to Wednesday evening. That was the day we were to learn of the Holy Spirit and call upon to Him. I came with great anticipation. My heart had had this tingly thing all day. I can’t explain it but I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. It happens a lot when we are excited about and in anticipation of something…or someone 😉. So, powerful worship, brief but powerful word from the pastor, and it’s time to call upon the Holy Spirit. I’m begging, pleading, negotiating, wrestling not to lose focus, so I can experience Him like never before. I’m on the altar, on my knees, wanting to be overwhelmed and immersed in the Holy Spirit so I can finally get the gift of tongues…but instead, there I go weeping and I can’t stop. Just brief pauses in between, only to start again. It feels like my heart is about to fall off my chest. I feel like I’ll die here. At the end of it all, I come out feeling refreshed…but not satisfied. I didn’t speak in tongues. It’s OK. I’ll pursue that again on Thursday evening. Little did I know I’d end up feeling forsaken.
It still didn’t happen, but I realised something as I had lunch with some friends Sunday afternoon. We were talking and laughing over how some people laugh their heads off, uncontrollably when the Holy Spirit comes down on them. Mmh! Though the gift of tongues is something I still pursue, and we all should as Christians, I was reminded it’s not the only way we can experience the Holy Spirit. The pastor mentioned something about praying in themes (Thanksgiving, praise, asking for forgiveness, adoration, worship, etc), and maybe my theme then required a breaking and some kind of shifting of my heart before I’m to receive His outpouring. Only He knows.
What I most certainly am sure of is that I did not get to experience Him the way I wanted…but I did experience Him nonethless, and I almost missed out on enjoying that fact and cherishing that moment, because I can tell you that something did happen to my heart. I’m yet to determine what exactly. I’m yet to see the fruit, but my heart does feel lighter as of now, and I’m looking forward to more encounters.
I guess the whole purpose of this post was to let you (and remind myself) know that as we pursue God, the son, and the Holy Spirit, we’ll get to experience Him one way or the other. How do you experience Him? Or, how are you experiencing Him in this season? Embrace it.