Isn’t that sick?

“You look tired”

Do I? Do I look tired? It’s because I don’t have makeup on. Also, it’s because I am tired. I’m quite tired actually, most of the time. The one thing I truly want to do every day all day long is sleep. I have trouble staying awake through the day on average about 6 out of 7 days a week. The only time I can’t sleep is at night on the days that I give into my exhaustion and fall asleep during the afternoon. Then I can’t wake up the next morning. When I wake up in the morning, I have trouble getting out of bed. I have zero desire to get out of bed and start the day, get dressed, go to work, see and interact with people. I have little to no desire to do anything or see anyone. Isn’t that sick? But I still drag my ass out of bed, get dressed and do all those things anyway. Go to work, speak, drive, eat, although what I really want to do is lay down.

The only thing I want to do is lay down under the covers and hide from the world, from all my responsibilities and watch the days, weeks and months go by. That’s called depresssion. This is what my depression does to me, it makes a very tiny part of me, way deep down, envy people who are in mental institutions, because they don’t have to worry about responsibilities, they don’t have to get dressed and go out. Isn’t that sick?

I don’t like this part of me, but it’s there. And it creeps up every once in a while. And it takes over sometimes. And I can’t fight it, so I try to live with it because I know it doesn’t last. The depression, that is. It will pass, it always does. I just have to get through it once again. Get through the next six months so I can live again for another six after that. I live for half the year, then I get through the other half. I spend half of my life just ‘getting through’. Isn’t that sick?

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