Photo by Jorge Gonzalez on Unsplash
Photo by Jorge Gonzalez on Unsplash

Dear fellow men, no one buys into your macho bullshit.

Gabriel Sachs
Aug 22, 2017 · 3 min read

Well, that’s not entirely true, I guess. A lot of people do, and that’s the problem. You get constant positive reinforcement for not being yourself. ’Cause being yourself would be pathetic, right?

Deal with it.

We’re all pathetic.

We’re a gender inundated with frustration, trying so hard to find ourselves through shallow personas and ephemeral veneers of composure.

Alpha Males, Nice Guys, People Pleasers, Indifferents. Facade upon facade upon facade. Whatever it takes to gain approval.

It’s tempting, when feeling insecure, to resort to something that works. Rehashed methods of doing something, paths that have already been treaded before. They’re safe. They’re cool. They’re boring.

People are too predictable.

People are too weird to be predictable.

What happens is we end up fitting-in, when what we truly need is to belong.

Some people don’t even know what belonging really means. They haven’t experienced it enough. So they settle with fitting-in. Since the havoc of adolescence, they’ve been enwrapping themselves in this bubble of false-security, clinging unwaveringly on external hopes and validation;

“Perhaps they’ll like me if I like this genre of music.”

“I hope he respects me if I assert myself.”

She better go out with me ’cause this witty text took me seven minutes to think of.”

Sometimes, the least needy thing you can do is admit that you need someone.

Sometimes, the smartest thing you can do is admit you don’t know. Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is admit that you’re scared. Sometimes, the most incredible thing you can do is admit that you’re, well, rather mediocre.

Because when we hide beneath the facade of purported perfection, we sink. Deeper and deeper we go, until we can barely see the light of who we really are. We lose ourselves to ego and comfort. We lose.

And people start noticing.

The moment you start to form a meaningful relationship. The moment it’s time to love and to really be vulnerable, you run.

“She isn’t right for me.”

Maybe, for the fourth goddamn time, she, too, isn’t right for you. But maybe she is, and perhaps you’re actually afraid of letting your true self out into the open.

”Here’s a story to try out: maybe you’re already amazing.” — Mark Manson

We’re a gender riddled with shame. The most toxic kind of shame. We’re ashamed of feeling, of wanting, of needing. Of fucking up. We might as well be ashamed of breathing.

But it’s okay to feel, to want, to need. It’s good! It makes us human. It’s okay to forget their name. It’s okay to spill your drink. It’s okay to fall in love.

The moment we start to have the difficult conversations, when we start to step on some toes and actually risk being different, that’s when we find actual, meaningful connection.

People will thank you for being yourself. I promise.

No one’s gonna thank you for being just another “cool, dude” dude.

Embrace it. Embrace it all. Turn the darkest corners of yourself into your greatest gifts. You’re really made that way. We all are.

”There’s a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” — Leonard Cohen

Challenge yourself to go a little deeper.

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