And finally I made up my mind!
I woke up one day and realized it was time to let go of all the past that didn’t let me move anymore. It was time to accept the new in my life.
This process took me many years — more than I would like. But it also made things come at the right time and with the strength I can now handle.
I am not the same person I was 14 years ago. I feel more confident, prettier, smarter, in a certain peaceful state of mind and, most important, besides a son that I adore, I love myself for just being me. I know all my flaus but I also know my qualitys very well and I do my best to avoid people that put me down.
At 46 I feel I have almost found my best inner self. There’s no need for others to tell me what I may want. There’s no need for others to keep that emptiness in the dark side. There is no need to have plans 24 hours a day.
Maybe aging gives you that — a confidence that everything is in the right place at any time. Even during chaos. Even when you feel there is nothing left.
All that past will still be there. In a silent corner of my soul. Music, food, places may bring it to life again. And I may suffer a little. But I know that those moments were important for my development, for that time of life. And at the end of the journey I will be sure I finally made it home!
For now, it is another step. And with my arms open I am grateful that it is coming my way.